I've been on holiday recently, the first real holiday I've had in a long while. I wasn't planning on going but my Sis insisted and made it possible for me to go - thanks, Sis!
A lot of bad things had happened in the past year and I needed to heal, so I took it easy for this trip. As I enjoy cooking, I found a B&B that had a kitchenette in one of its suites so I booked my entire stay there.
The B&B was gorgeous with a private flower garden and all. Just the environment for me to sit down, relax and heal.
However, I realized that I had a wee bit of a challenge when I started cooking - I had one small frying pan + one saucepan (both lidless), a spatula, two shakers of salt and pepper...and nothing else except what I packed in my knife roll. You don't really appreciate how important lids are until you have to make do without them.
So, I had to improvise. When it came time to make steamed rice (which required a lid), I used one of the large plates. I discovered that grocery stores sold single sticks of butter - exactly what I needed for cooking fish and shellfish. For spices, I bought this multispice pack for camping ($4) that gave me most of what I needed. The local in-store deli at the grocers' had a boxed sushi collection, so I got a couple of packets of soy sauce from them (I asked the lady at the counter for permission first).
Everything else was food. And oh my, what fresh food it was!
I rediscovered my love for fruit. I used to love fruit growing up but edged away in favour of processed foods upon coming to Canada. Now, I'm re-experiencing the joy and wonderment that comes from having very juicy, very fresh local fruits explode with flavour in one's mouth. I also learnt to cook with it too; as I had no sugar, I snuck a few packets out from cafes when I got coffee there.
Fresh salmon, large scallops, fresh locally-grown organic strawberries...mmm! My mouth still waters at the memory of those wonderful fresh foods. I also found out that mushrooms, one of my favourite foods, will cause a massive flare-up of a stress-related condition of mine, which means that I shall have to avoid them in the future. *sigh*
Plus, I got to try edible flowers for the first time. Tasty and beautiful!
I came away from that vacation with some healing and respite from the negative events in the past year. On my final night there, I wrote over twenty pages in my journal. The hurt and fear had to come out and I finally pinned them down on paper. I hope I shall be free of them now. The scent of lilacs now has a very calming effect on me - my suite was filled with their fragrance when the windows were open and they have become inextricably linked to my stay there.
But that was not the only thing I came away with from that vacation; I also feel rejuvenated in my passion for cooking. Not only did I have the chance to work with fresh ingredients, I also had a chance to partake of my innkeeper's excellent breakfasts (she's a chef) as well as one fine dining establishment. I returned home from my holiday with a head full of ideas and a laptop full of notes. Oh, and a wonderful plum-coloured ink that is now my primary colour for journal-writing!
I tried some of my new techniques tonight. I was happy to see that it worked out rather well. Must experiment more...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
The Devil You Don't Know
My career at my current place of employment is going nowhere. They've effectively exiled me to a second-line team and ordered me to get rid of them. They've made plans for me after the team has been let go but it's a situation even worse than what I'm doing right now.
Note to self when in senior management: Never assume your direct reports are as dumb or myopic as you are.
I have a really good guess as to what the company is trying to do but I can't say anything about it. Suffice to say that it doesn't involve the continued employment of effective front-line managers like myself. Everyone competent in middle-management has either been exiled (like me) or laid off. The other clueful managers and I have semi-regular closed lunches where we share intel and our data points to the same conclusion which we all arrived at simultaneously.
All of us have been hunting for other employment for a while now. I've had a few nibbles, all of which I've turned down because of...irregularities between what they say and what I'm gathering from other, more trusted sources. The I.T. industry in my city is quite large but we're also quite provencial - it's a small town where everyone knows someone who knows you.
Until recently, that is. There is a decent possibility that I may land a job with a company on solid financial footing that's smack in the middle of my core competencies. It's at a point where I have to seriously consider the case this may be my next employer. I was in cloud nine until I poked a little deeper and some concerns started popping up, enough that I had a nasty bout of insomnia last night over it.
It's a highly conservative company. Highly. Conservative. It's a great company if you're a certain type of employee. It's also one where you don't want to stick out too much above your paygrade. This is by no means a deal-breaker; in fact, I know my way around conservative companies very well. Given the current economic situation, it's a very good employer indeed - I'm grateful that I'm managed to come this far in the interview process. Of course, I hope to be fortunate enough to land the actual job! The norm is that I just need to keep my mouth firmly shut, my head down and go from objective to objective, hoping that I get promoted.
Unfortunately, that's not me anymore. It was me about 5 years ago but it's definitely not my style any longer. Oh, I'll keep my mouth shut - I understand that I can give the most endearing smiles that way. But being safe? Being safe is like refusing to fly, staying in the mud on the ground because you're afraid of falling.
I took a big risk some years back. It's been tough, but at least now I have moments of happiness and these moments are starting to increase in frequency. I'm not going to be stupid about this new position (if I get it) but being in my new role (post-change), I can't afford not to be seen. To hunker down and do work quietly is to be ignored. I have to strike a balance between techincal competency and management visibility. I have to be seen as very knowledgeable and effective at my work while also having a dazzling smile. People have to remember me not only about how quickly I solve issues but also how calm and poised I was while doing it. Tall expectations. Thank goodness I have just the high heels to match and not just metaphorically either.
Of course, my local work environment has a lot to do with how things are. I'm keeping my fingers crossed not only about getting the position but also about who I'm reporting to there.
I feel my career clock ticking away. I have, at most about 10 more years of good income earning years ahead of me and I must make enough and save enough not only to retire but also to care for the kids' education and whatnot.
Yes, I'll deal with the Devil himself but I'm going to try my darnest not to lose my soul over it.
Note to self when in senior management: Never assume your direct reports are as dumb or myopic as you are.
I have a really good guess as to what the company is trying to do but I can't say anything about it. Suffice to say that it doesn't involve the continued employment of effective front-line managers like myself. Everyone competent in middle-management has either been exiled (like me) or laid off. The other clueful managers and I have semi-regular closed lunches where we share intel and our data points to the same conclusion which we all arrived at simultaneously.
All of us have been hunting for other employment for a while now. I've had a few nibbles, all of which I've turned down because of...irregularities between what they say and what I'm gathering from other, more trusted sources. The I.T. industry in my city is quite large but we're also quite provencial - it's a small town where everyone knows someone who knows you.
Until recently, that is. There is a decent possibility that I may land a job with a company on solid financial footing that's smack in the middle of my core competencies. It's at a point where I have to seriously consider the case this may be my next employer. I was in cloud nine until I poked a little deeper and some concerns started popping up, enough that I had a nasty bout of insomnia last night over it.
It's a highly conservative company. Highly. Conservative. It's a great company if you're a certain type of employee. It's also one where you don't want to stick out too much above your paygrade. This is by no means a deal-breaker; in fact, I know my way around conservative companies very well. Given the current economic situation, it's a very good employer indeed - I'm grateful that I'm managed to come this far in the interview process. Of course, I hope to be fortunate enough to land the actual job! The norm is that I just need to keep my mouth firmly shut, my head down and go from objective to objective, hoping that I get promoted.
Unfortunately, that's not me anymore. It was me about 5 years ago but it's definitely not my style any longer. Oh, I'll keep my mouth shut - I understand that I can give the most endearing smiles that way. But being safe? Being safe is like refusing to fly, staying in the mud on the ground because you're afraid of falling.
I took a big risk some years back. It's been tough, but at least now I have moments of happiness and these moments are starting to increase in frequency. I'm not going to be stupid about this new position (if I get it) but being in my new role (post-change), I can't afford not to be seen. To hunker down and do work quietly is to be ignored. I have to strike a balance between techincal competency and management visibility. I have to be seen as very knowledgeable and effective at my work while also having a dazzling smile. People have to remember me not only about how quickly I solve issues but also how calm and poised I was while doing it. Tall expectations. Thank goodness I have just the high heels to match and not just metaphorically either.
Of course, my local work environment has a lot to do with how things are. I'm keeping my fingers crossed not only about getting the position but also about who I'm reporting to there.
I feel my career clock ticking away. I have, at most about 10 more years of good income earning years ahead of me and I must make enough and save enough not only to retire but also to care for the kids' education and whatnot.
Yes, I'll deal with the Devil himself but I'm going to try my darnest not to lose my soul over it.
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