Maturity and Power

When I was a little child, I would grab a pencil and start waving it joyously in the air pretending to be a conductor whenever a classical piece was playing on the family tape deck. It was mostly to annoy my eldest brother who was trying to enjoy the music and I usually got a thrashing for it but since I was going to get hit regardless, why not make it count?

For most of my life, moving into positions of power was a key factor in my life planning. It still is today but with a much lower priority. You see, I used to aim for positions with authority because I was under the assumption that authority means security. That's not entirely incorrect either - people in positions of authority can usually see the corporate change truck that hits them, either with a glancing blow like a reorg or a fatal one like a layoff. However, the whole Authority = Security equation fails in its raison d'etre - to retain a position and not be unemployed. You can usually duck the bullets for a short while but in the end it all comes apart.

Took me years to figure that out. If this blog just taught you something valuable and saved you years of painful discovery, please send your appreciation to... ;)

It's no secret that I'm aiming to be a chamber violinist sometime in the coming years. It's also very clear that I have at best only a very slim chance of being successful, if any at all. As I mentioned to a dear friend just last night, some people keep hope alive by buying lottery tickets. This whole chamber violinist adventure is my lottery ticket and no matter how slim the chances may be, it's still better than buying a lottery ticket.

I'm aiming to be good enough to be a second violinist in an orchestra and I'm not particularly fussy as to whether it's an amateur or professional band of musicians. All I know is that I come alive when I play and that's all I care about at this time. So far, I've only played in a very short duet and I loved it. To be in an ensemble of chamber musicians making music is definitely on my bucket list and if I can do so semi-regularly, it would be a dream come true.

Not interested in conducting though. Between actually making music vs. the person directing the flow, I'd prefer to be one of the nameless many in the strings section actually playing, thanks.