Millimetres of Separation

I haven't blogged in a while and those of you who are in contact with me will know that that is primarily due to some major arguments arising during the course of my spouse and I separating. Much has happened; none of it needs to be repeated here.

We have always had this pattern in our relationship: argue, fight, reconcile. Whenever we fight, I always wonder if we're doing more damage to our relationship than any reconciliation could ever do. Perhaps the smart thing to do is simply to shut up and put up. I know for a fact that had both of us, or even just one of us had simply shut up about some things, we'd continue on as a couple probably till death do us part. However, being married together isn't the real goal.

The goal is to be happy in a loving relationship.

And truth be told, we haven't had that in a long long time. Every time we fight, a little love dies until we have reached this point when separation and divorce is inevitable. But every time we reconcile, we learn a little more about the other, gain a tiny glimmer of understanding about where the other is coming from. We drift further apart every fight but we see a little more of the truth. I view it as akin to slowly pulling out from a picture that's mere millimetres from our noses; as we move away from the picture, we start to see more of the whole at the cost of slowly losing the fine detail such as the grain of the canvas.

We have lost a lot of love and respect for the other and that is irrecoverable. Our saving grace is that love is a renewable resource. We *are* separating - there is no stopping that as we have irreconcilable differences resulting from the treatment for my Condition. Everything else is negotiable and *that* gives us hope.

I mentioned in a previous posting that my relationship is very complicated and that is true because now we are trying to parlay that hard-earned understanding into another form of love and affection, one that is stronger and more durable than the marital bonds we had.

What we are trying to do is really, truly becoming a loving, caring family. Easy to say, hard to do. Wish us luck, please?