Closing the book

Today, I gathered up practically all of the old clothes that I no longer wear nor need. The majority had already been put away 3 months ago but I decided to hold off for a bit. There were some pretty expensive items in there, along with quite a few memories. I don't use them anymore nor is there any chance that I will ever use them again. So, I took them in to Goodwill and donated the whole lot. It's a cleansing ritual of sorts.

Three months ago on this date, something significant happened for me and no, Saint Patrick's Day had nothing to do with it. Friends and family will understand that with me gathering up all my old clothing, I'm closing the book on a part of my life and the only path forward now is the one I'm on - there's no going back.

Do I feel a sense of loss? Yes, I do. I think it's perfectly natural to feel sad given how many years I've lived that life. It hasn't been all bad - there were some very good times. But it wasn't sustainable over the long run. Still, I took a good long hard look (again) at the path my life was on a couple of days ago. Is this still the right thing to do? Has it ever been the right thing to do? What will happen to me as a consequence in the future? Can I even go back to that life now? The reality is that none of these questions have clear-cut answers either way. They're all value judgments of one kind or another. In the absence of hard data, I relied on the one test of values and morals that I have always trusted to lead me true.

I faced myself in the mirror. The telltale twinges of guilt were absent. But that's not how I know I'm on the right path. You see, not only can I look myself in the mirror, I was happily smiling too.