Deeper water

In less than a month, a full year would have passed since my surgery, over two years since I took my first public steps that eventually led me to where I am today. I can't say that it's been easy; far from it. Recovery has been hellish and truth be told, I'm still recovering...and for some issues, recovery may never happen.

However, as I'm looking at my reflection in the mirror while being bathed by the soft glow of my MacBook, I'm also very glad that I did make those decisions. My life isn't anything like what it was a mere...4 years ago. Things have changed so radically. I've changed so radically.

For most folks going through the same type of surgery have long since discarded the cocoon of their change and flown off into the sunshine of their new selves.

Me, I'm still stuck due to a pretty major event that is still haunting me. But...I'm not doing so badly after all. It took me ages to recover my strength and I'm certainly not anywhere near normal even now. I'm learning ballet though. I have an active social life, new friends and new experiences to boot. More than that, I no longer have any aversion to mirrors.

Y'know, things aren't too bad. :)

I feel like I'm finally getting over some small part of the darkness that has held me back. To switch metaphors, I'm finally moving out into deeper water, where a new world beckons. How do I know that? Well, to pick an absurd example of what is changing in my life, let's talk about shoes. I'm shopping for shoes. In the distant past, I'd just go find something affordable and comfortable. In the recent past, I'd go and find something acceptably stylish, affordable and comfortable, usually with the expert advice of my sister.

Right now, I'm confronted with a million shoes in the other browser window, in all shapes, sizes and colours, most of which are waaaaaaay out of my budget. In short, these days? I'm shopping for something elegantly simple yet stylish, comfortable...and doesn't require me to sell more than just one kid to afford it. :) Plus, I now have a pack of friends who know shoes like the back of their hand.

Oy. I've always hated shoe shopping.But now, suddenly I find that hitherto unused brand names like "Manolo Blahnik", "Jimmy Choo" and "Christian Louboutin" rolling off my tongue and their absurdly high prices doesn't make me run away in horror, clutching my piggy bank and reassuring it that the Bad Fashion Houses won't crack them open.

Here, piggy piggy...ignore the mallet I've got behind me, please. :)

Seriously though, I haven't gone completely off the deep end - I haven't spent a cent nor will I do so anytime soon. However, I can't ignore the fact that my formal and smart casual spring wardrobes do not have appropriately matching shoes to complete them.

Someday, when I have enough money...

But for now, I'll stick to what I have and hope that exclamations of "Look behind you! Something interesting!" will distract the shallow, consumeristic upper management gits that I have to interact with in my professional life.