If you know me well, you've probably heard the phrase "...able to look yourself in the mirror in the morning" at some point in our conversations. I've always meant it as being able to face the consequences of your choices. I can honestly say that I *can* look myself in the mirror. It doesn't mean that I've never made bad choices, far from it. But where I've made a mistake, I've tried to correct them if possible. I once walked away from a quarter-million dollar job because I wanted no part of the unethical way the company was treating the employees. It hurt me financially and I could have been able to semi-retire by now if I had chosen to stay on. But it would have cost me my soul and no amount of money is worth that.
Recently, I've been rebuilding my wardrobe from scratch. You know what? Between the effects of the Treatment and the new wardrobe,I *like* what I see in the mirror now. My sis teases me that I preen quite a bit these days, which isn't something I'm contrite about at all. Which is where the whole mirror-alternate-meaning thing comes in. I've always been able to look myself in the mirror morally and ethically but I've never been able to just *look* myself in the mirror. Some of you may have difficulty wrapping your mind around this and if so, be thankful that you're not afflicted by the Condition.
It's a small, tiny fragment of peace and happiness, of comfort and familiarity that most people take for granted but which I have never known - I have it now and I am not letting it go.
Oh yeah - a small tip for my regular readers: large polka dots are generally a big unsalvageable fashion mistake.
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