Desiring nothing

I was surprised by my birthday not too long ago - it didn't feel like as if a year had passed. But sure enough, my little electronic daytimer pinged some time back and announced, "Hello, Insert Name Here! Today's your Birthday! Many happy returns! Don't embarrass yourself too much!"

Yes, I'm still 28 years old and will remain that age until further notice through the wonderful help of self-delusionment and bald-faced lying.

Time is just whipping by far quicker than I remember it. This means that either my life is very full or my memory is going. I suspect both are true. Birthdays used to be very important to me. Not growing up in a Western country, there wasn't any concept of Santa bringing presents or whatnot once a year. You got prezzies on your birthday and that was that. Having come from a giant family with literally hundreds of cousins, I had to share my birthday with relatives. The one and only time I ever got a cake to myself was in kindergarten; since that I've had a slice or two only.

That used to bother me loads. Now, with kids that I care for and other family members who depend on me, I've found I'm more outward facing than inward facing. I was asked what I wanted for Christmas. For that first time that I can remember, I'm drawing a complete and utter blank. I think I have everything I want right now, which is a very strange place for me to be in.

Being unemployed recently certainly coloured my priorities permanently. For example, I'm well past the first week of December and my monthly "buy whatever you want" budget is still intact. It's usually gone within days, if not partly "borrowed" from the month prior.

What did I get for my birthday? Just a very nice present from my loving sis. And a call from a dear friend. It was a comparatively uneventful day excepting for some excitement in the latter part of the afternoon.

As scary as it seems, I think that after all these years, I'm finally really content. Either that or I've completely lost my mind.