Deep Blue

I tend to be pretty high energy these days but every now and then, I do fall into a deep funk. I'm not normally a depressive type - when I'm down, there's usually a good reason and I snap out of it either within hours or at worst the next day.

I do understand depression; folks like me tend to be depressed as a side-effect of our Condition, but this goes away as we are treated. Since my full treatment began nearly a year ago, the mind-killing depression has gone away almost completely. I say almost because there's still quite a ways to go before the treatment's fully done. What I have seen of it is quite an amazing change though.

Condition and its treatment aside, life still happens. The past month and a half or so have been particularly stressful and today was probably one of the two sharp spikes of peaking stress I've experienced thus far. Compared to other times in the past, perhaps it's not as bad but I've been feeling very worn around the edges for some time, so my immunity to changes is very very low. I know this for a fact because an area of the treatment for my Condition have been excruciatingly painful lately, far far more than it ever has been.

I'll be honest here - I had second thoughts about posting this entry. Depression isn't something you blog about, leastways not if you don't want it to haunt your future when your online identity is compromised. Having said that, I'm not exactly whining about it - this isn't an entry about "oh no poor me I'm so blue". I know I'm blue now but I also know things will be better in the morning. Depression seems to have a social stigma...but it's a part of everyone's life, young or old, rich or poor, single or partnered. Hiding that fact it exists, that it can strike the healthiest, most well-adjusted person is just dumb and won't solve anything.

Am I depressed right now? Yes, and I even know which particular stressor pushed me down this path. But I'll snap out of it in the morning. I believe that accepting it as a normal, transient condition is the healthy approach. Your thoughts?

Having said all that, I still hate it when it happens during a bout of insomnia. :(