Beautiful destruction

I have been playing Sins of a Solar Empire for several days now. In the beginning, I was mostly playing from a macro view, where I see planets and fleets. Lately, I've been taking advantage to zoom in into a middle of a fleet action.

I'm sure you've seen space fleet battles on some form of entertainment media. Well, this is like watching a skirmish in Battlestar Galactica, only its my ships engaged. Streaming missile trails, bomber squadrons screaming in on attack runs, capital ships pounding each other with amazing salvos, oh my!

In the game, you can form alliances of various kinds with the other races/factions/competitors. In one game, I formed ties with a particular faction and for many turns our partnership went well. Unfortunately, it all went pear-shaped towards the end and I found myself in a shooting war with my ex-partner. Of course, being a technologist, my fleets were superior in every way. It was a very short war.

One of my fleets had jumped into the last planet held by my ex-partner and made short work of the survivors of its space-borne force and static defences. Then the final assault on the planet began in earnest.

If you're a fan of Babylon 5, you'll recall that scene where Mollari is watching in horror as the Centauri fleet bombed the Narns back to the Stone Age via orbital bombardment.

Well, I zoomed in during final assault and there it was - my fleet sterilizing a planet via orbital bombardment. The trails of weapons fire streamed from my fleet onto the planet, with sudden flashes off the cloudtops as nuclear fire tore the life from its surface.

It was beautiful and horrifying at the same time. Yes, I know it's just a game but while we're not quite there yet in terms of being able to have a space fleet bombard a planet, we're perfectly capable of imagining it these days, enacting them through games. And that's the first step for us humans - if we can imagine it, we can probably make it happen someday.

Beautiful yet terrifying. I shall have to think about the what-ifs on morality-vs-necessity of such an attack a bit more. It's just a game, but sometimes the incidental hypotheticals transcend the gameplay itself.

Regardless, a beautiful game. Kudos to Stardock and Ironclad for a job well done.

Technoferrets

I took my new mouse into work today. It's pretty odd-looking, part Batmobile, part futuristic tank in appearance. That, and its rear end lights up. I guess it looks cool or sonething.

It seems to attract developers like flies to honey so that coolness factor seems to work.

You see, I bought it because it had a built-in macro recorder and after messing with Excel for the billioneth time, I realized that perhaps having macro recording capability would preserve my sanity somewhat, especially in Excel 2007, where Microsoft decided to make it look "new" by relocating the functions I know over to somewhere else that I don't know about. I hate the app and I'm using that instead of a prior version (which I know and love) because corporate I.T. refuses to install older versions. *sigh*

Anyhoo, I digress. So here I was, happily fiddling with Excel and doing nifty things with recorded macros when the usual stream of people come sauntering in to try and get me to commit my team for some (typically badly thought out) work. I usually poke holes in their proposal until they get a clue and go away to rethink their needs (or try to sucker someone else to take on the work). Today however, was interesting:

*dev lead struts into my cube*
DevLead: Hey Kate, I was thinking...whoa, what's that you've got on your desk?
Me: Oh, just a new mouse I got. It's got macro recording, which really saves time when I'm using Exc...
DevLead: *interrupts* Wow, it even glows red! *tries to pick it up but I slap his hand off, tut-tutting*
Me: Please do ask before you touch my stuff!
DevLead: *head bobbing left and right looking at the mouse from all angles* Whoa! What's that bad boy called?
Me: *sighs* It's just a mouse, nothing more. But to answer your question, it's a Microsoft Sidewinder.
DevLead: Cool! I have to go check it out! *runs off without discussing proposal*

That scene repeated itself practically all afternoon. I had to step out for a meeting later in the day and returned to find 3 devs clustered around my desk fondling the mouse. I shooed them off.

Yes, I was a very popular manager today. All because my strange-looking mouse has a rear end that glows red.

Oy! I don't recall that I was anywhere that bad with new shiny tech when I was a dev. Still, it's been a pretty amusing afternoon nonetheless. And I didn't have to fend off any idiotic work requests - that's a win in my book! :)

Beauty in imperfection

I was in a meeting that dragged on and on today, one of those just-in-case meetings where you show up to ensure that no one commits your team to something stupid. Suffice to say, I was bored out of my skull while the two loudest participants locked horns once more, like they do in every meeting they attend together.

There were square wooden coasters on the table which I was fiddling with. I quickly exhausted the number of interesting shapes that I could form with just the two. The stack of other coasters was just out of reach, and I didn't want to draw attention to myself lest I get sucked into the increasingly loud discussion-turned-heated-argument that the two were engaged in. So, I started forming shapes with the two coasters I had plus a third imaginary identically square coaster. I managed to form quite a few shapes and was suitably entertained until we got kicked out of the room by another meeting.

Near the end, I came to the startling realization that I had a lot of fun playing with that third imaginary coaster. Having real coasters can be fun too, except that with an imaginary coaster, you can't just push them together and see what shape they are - you also have to imagine what it would look like with that imaginary coaster, whether it'll fit, how it'll fit, all in 3D.

Throughout most of my life, I have been a perfectionist, regularly falling into the trap of not completing tasks simply because I didn't think I could a good enough, i.e. "perfect" job of it. This, fortunately, *didn't* extend to work-related matters - it would have been very harmful to my career had I failed to complete projects. No, this was just in personal projects, where everything had to be as close to perfect as possible or it didn't get done.

Today, I was fortunate enough to see beauty and wonder in imperfection. Had I stuck with my original perfectionist attitude, I'd have put away the coasters once the initial combinations were explored. Instead, I proceeded today despite the imperfections. I've done so many times when driven by necessity and deadlines - the difference was that today, I did it for a trivial amusement, which is something I've never been relaxed enough to do.

So, why am I gushing about something as simple as this? Well, let's just say that I glimpsed a hitherto-unexplored possibility where imperfect things can be more beautiful and elegant and fun than perfect things, which runs contrary to one of my core assumptions/beliefs (but not a core value per se). I guess I'm really breaking out of my shell now, as I am valuing fun and possibilities over perfection and for those of you who really know me, this is a major change and a step towards being more human.

Life is definitely getting more interesting!

Happily glowing in the dark

Well, after playing Sins of a Solar Empire rather intensely for the last couple of days, I'm ready to back off for a little while.

Sins is awesome. As with all great games, it consumes spare time like there's no tomorrow. It's been extremely fun and I've won the game a couple of times now. I'm a little disappointed that you get a Victory notification after you've destroyed the last computer player but if you keep going on conquering and exploring, there's no payoff cutscene. That and the pirates were insanely tough, far tougher than the computer players.

The game hasn't crashed, not even once. Kudos to Stardock for that.

Using the Logitech G5 did seem to help quite a bit - moving the game camera/viewpoint around was far more intuitive. Surprisingly, I didn't end up with a sore wrist like I normally do with mice. Maybe Logitech got it right. Quite pleased with it.

What race did I play in Sins? Why, there's only one choice for me: the psychic deviants known as Advents, of course. I mean, cone on - psychic and deviant, together. Who can resist that? :)

Will I keep playing Sins? Absolutely, just not as intensely as I did in the past few days. Sins did its job - it gave me a rare escape from the world, if only for a couple of hours here and there. I need to do that more often...preferably in some manner more productive than computer games but for now, it's what I have so that's what I'll use.

And so it begins (again)

I am having a fabulously fun time with Sins of a Solar Empire, per my previous blog. It's fun, it's challenging and it brings back wonderful memories of my misspent youth playing games when I should really have been studying or socializing or...umm...never mind. I think I just realized why I was such a wallflower at school.

In the meantime, I've realized that playing Sins is less than optimal with a notebook trackpad, and by suboptimal I mean I get my head handed to me during the RTS portion of the game. So, I dug out my good old trusty Logitech V500 laptop mouse. After yet another session of getting creamed by the AI, I decided that *deep breath* it was time for me to invest in a proper gaming mouse. I haven't spent money on gaming hardware in years, so I knew what was coming - the hours of poring over reviews and comparing features and price points and whatnot.

Some of my friends swear by their gaming mice, that the fact they glow red or blue or something in the dark must add to their gaming prowess. I decided that perhaps having this glow-in-the-dark feature may help somehow in me forming better tactics. I decided to ignore the small niggling point that I play my games under bright illumination so I can't tell if it glows or not. Well, whatever gaming mojo it brings won't be deterred by something as mundane as room lights, eh?

I searched around for a glow-in-the-dark gaming mouse that won't bring down the wrath of an irate budget-conscious sister about my head. I found a few, but they looked weird and horribly expensive. I mean, I'd spend that much on a nice pretty pair of shoes but a gaming mouse? Good heavens, what kind of shallow person spends that much on computer hardware??!

So I sprang for a Logitech G5 gaming mouse. My sis was kind enough to tolerate my antics and picked one up for me during her run out today. *thinks for a bit* Whoa! Hey, it's a Laser mouse, and my ships in Sins uses lasers too! Coincidence? I think not!

I've been using it for several hours now. I'm still getting my head handed to me, but at least now I look cool while I'm playing. Well, I look cool if I turn off the lights so you can see the orange glow-in-the-dark effect. But then no one can see me, which dampens the coolness factor. Hmm. I think I need to go think about it some more.

Uh...where's the light switch?

Mind candy

Well, it's a three day long weekend for us up in Canada. I intend to spend some quality time with my family, doing a spot of studying for my coursework, cooking yummy dishes...and devoting an inordinately unwisely large chunk of time playing Sins of a Solar Empire by Stardock. I've known Stardock since their Object Desktop and Entrepreneur days of yore, circa mid/late 1990s.

In an age where gamers are treated like criminals by game publishers, Stardock does something amazingly simple: they trust their customers. There's no copy protection on the game at all, although if you want updates you have to use the unique CD-key/game code on their website to get that goodness, ditto multiplayer.

I bought Sins last night and am having a blast. It's been a long time since I played a 4X that's space-based. The last good one that grabbed my attention was Master of Orion I and II (III was done by a different publisher as SimTex had gone bye-bye by then and it was horrible). Coming close (but not quite) was Galactic Civilizations II, also by Stardock.

I haven't gotten very far into the game yet (still doing tutorials) but it's very similar to Homeworld in the combat sequences. Insofar as I am concerned Homeworld I, II and Cataclysm rank amongst the best space-based tactical games of all time.

The family is reaping some benefits too; my sis has the full run of the house while I'm busy destroying planets and my nephews each get a full-colour poster of starship combat (I bought the Collector's Edition) to put up in their rooms.

I have some coursework to do, then I hope to spend a disproportionate amount of personal time this long weekend crushing hapless virtual space empires under my tastefully jackbooted sensible heel.

Irising shut

I was in another city this weekend because I had two appointments there. The first one was with a doctor who I had been seeing for a long time. Our doctor-patient relationship was a little off-kilter in the beginning because of the rarity of the Condition; I felt I should be under a different care regime than he did. Over time, we compromised as we both did research and came to a care regime we both agreed on. One thing that cannot be disputed is that this doctor *cares*.

I passed a pretty major medical milestone today and to my surprise, my doctor told me, "Well, looks like you're all set for surgery. Book an appointment with me after you're all healed up. If you need a refill for your meds, or if you have any odd symptoms, call. Otherwise, good luck and I guess I'll see you in a year's time."

Wow. He's pretty much closing up my case in preparation for handoff to my surgeon. It feels...odd after such a long time under his care.

After that appointment, I went in for a medical interview and examination by another doctor at another hospital, who is verifying the diagnosis for yet another doctor (my medical case officer) of mine. This one was the next hurdle; if his diagnosis contradicts my case officer's, it's back to the drawing board for as we run test after test to figure out if it's the Condition or not. It was a long process today as we covered my entire medical history from start to finish, including that of my family's. At the end of it, the doc smiles at me and says, "Yep, I concur with Dr. and looks like surgery's the right treatment for this."

After nearly 3 years, it's finally starting to draw to a close (I hope). The government being the government, it'll take some months before things really happen but at least it's probably going to happen.

It's also the first time that I've had my family with me on a trip like this. My dear sis wanted to make sure she and the kids were there to support me on this milestone, especially if the medical interview didn't go well and I got tossed back into the treatment pile. Thanks, sis and kids - it meant a lot to me that you were there.

Now, I get to cool my heels while my case officer is on vacation and about a month from now, I get to travel almost 8 hours round trip for a 15 minute slice of time with him. If he signs off on the surgical order, it'll be a most worthwhile 15 minutes of my life. So, we'll see.

Insufferable paladins

NOTE: this entry is couched in D&D terms because, well, it's more interesting that way. No, I've never LARPed and don't intend to - WRT to darkness, I've never tried casting Magic Missile at it; I use a flashlight. Let's face it, blogs are just a pulpit for narcissists to whine. Unless if it's interesting, then it becomes Entertaining. Never let it be said that I don't labour for your enjoyment, folks! Oh, and J? Quit laughing, because I can hear you all the way in Canada.

In the D&D universe, there's a class of characters called Paladins who have to be of a certain alignment polarized either towards Good (Paladin) or Evil (Blackguard). There are consequences if your character deviates from these poles of behaviour during gameplay; much badness occurs if the Dungeon Master decides you're not following your alignment, up to having all of your cool powers stripped away.

As a result, having a Paladin in your party is usually...exciting. Being compelled to do the "right" thing per their alignment, the party tends to get sucked into stupid battles that make little tactical sense, simply because the Pally thinks It Has To Be Done. Don't get me wrong - having a Pally in the party has many benefits so the party usually puts up with these occasional semi-suicidal fights. If the party survives, there's usually an amazing amount of XP to be had, not to mention treasure.

The flip side is, of course, the ever-present risk of a Total Party Kill where everybody dies. In fact, practically every campaign that I recall being in where a TPK has happened started with the Pally attacking without consent of the group.

Let's switch over to Real Life for a bit. I've always considered, somewhat jokingly, that if Real Life were a D&D game, I'd be Lawful Evil. Following the same model, somewhere along the line, rather insidiously, I've drifted over to being Lawful Good, probably as a side effect of certain personal revelations caused by going through my treatment for my Condition.

Regardless, I've been facing a pretty nasty dilemma at work since late January. I don't blog about stuff there but as it doesn't matter, I'm making an exception this time. I haven't slept well since I took on a new responsibility and have been sliding down this nasty slope of negativity. There is Right and there is Wrong. I learnt a lot about poor leadership in my many years of being a developer, always being vulnerable to idiotic decisions by my management who make decisions without considering the data. Well, I'm a manager now and I, like the Paladins, have taken a stand against that which I know to be Wrong. Somewhere along the line, I metaphorically multiclassed into Paladin without knowing about it. And I'm not sure if those "idiotic" charges are truly idiotic anymore - if you're not willing to do something about a core value, do you really stand for anything? At any rate, around 17 different metaphorical castings of Greater Restoration spells later, I'm getting really tired of being rend apart for doing the right thing.

So I resigned from that post yesterday with my boss's reluctant permission. I'm still with the company, in my original role. This, my friends, is a Career Limiting Move (tm). I was worried that I was making a big mistake but you know what? Last night was my very first uninterrupted restful sleep since late January. And I feel *fine* this morning despite a stupid cold.

Sometimes, one has to do the Right thing, regardless of the career consequences. A job is just a transitory thing...but self-respect, dignity and integrity are values that one carries for the rest of our lives. Was walking away the right thing? Isn't that quitting? Kind of - after well over 17 tries at addressing the issues, it's pretty obvious that the Powers That Be don't want to deal with it. It'd be futile to keep chipping away at that sort of insane DC. My team knows I've tried and this Monday, a group of them came by and told me they'd understand if I gave up because it's obvious even to them that nothing's going to happen. It warms my heart that even in that short time, we've grown to be friends. Doubly so since I've been pushing them quite hard lately on other matters. I guess I must be doing something right. I hope.

Oh well, it's a beautiful morning, I have the satellite radio on, a coffee by my side and a good book on my lap under my laptop. I'm warm, loved and finally at peace again. Have a good weekend, folks!

A sad day

I learnt that Gary Gygax, the creator of Dungeons and Dragons passed away today. I didn't know him personally and I didn't have to to mourn his passing. He gave the world a precious gift: the ability to use our imagination and intelligence to problem-solve in a fantasy setting. Actually, that's a bit too dry so let me try again: he let us be someone else we wanted to be, just for a few hours.

It's one thing to watch TV, read a book or even play a computer game. It's quite another to sit around the table with friends and role-play, be someone else for a few hours in a setting far far away from our humdrum existence. Heck, if you didn't have friends, that's a pretty good place to start.

I played my first game of D&D (1ed!) when I was still in school, I guess in what North Americans would have called junior high. I still remember my very first character - a Lawful Good cleric. Our DM was a git and kept on Wiping the entire party every game. We were young and broke; we had one set of dice that we had to pass from person to person when it was their turn. And yes, the magic user was always the first to die regardless of where the character was in relation to the other party members. I feel for the player now, as playing a first-level magic user all the time was no fun. Eventually, life intervened and we stopped playing as we got streamed into different classes.

I guess I'm getting all misty-eyed because it was my generation that D&D made an impact with. As gawky, shy teenagers, those of us who would now be considered nerds or geeks were prime targets for the bullies in the school. Intelligence wasn't a valued commodity; popularity was. D&D let me and others of my generation use our gray matter in a way that was, for many of us, useful for the first time outside of the classroom.

Would I say that D&D made me the person I am? Certainly not. Hard work and perseverance got me here...but D&D definitely gave some truly excellent memories and great friends to boot.

Thank you, Mr. Gygax, for giving countless hours of joy to so many of us, for showing that imagination is powerful and for making our teenage years bearable. May you rest in peace, wherever you are.