Insufferable paladins

NOTE: this entry is couched in D&D terms because, well, it's more interesting that way. No, I've never LARPed and don't intend to - WRT to darkness, I've never tried casting Magic Missile at it; I use a flashlight. Let's face it, blogs are just a pulpit for narcissists to whine. Unless if it's interesting, then it becomes Entertaining. Never let it be said that I don't labour for your enjoyment, folks! Oh, and J? Quit laughing, because I can hear you all the way in Canada.

In the D&D universe, there's a class of characters called Paladins who have to be of a certain alignment polarized either towards Good (Paladin) or Evil (Blackguard). There are consequences if your character deviates from these poles of behaviour during gameplay; much badness occurs if the Dungeon Master decides you're not following your alignment, up to having all of your cool powers stripped away.

As a result, having a Paladin in your party is usually...exciting. Being compelled to do the "right" thing per their alignment, the party tends to get sucked into stupid battles that make little tactical sense, simply because the Pally thinks It Has To Be Done. Don't get me wrong - having a Pally in the party has many benefits so the party usually puts up with these occasional semi-suicidal fights. If the party survives, there's usually an amazing amount of XP to be had, not to mention treasure.

The flip side is, of course, the ever-present risk of a Total Party Kill where everybody dies. In fact, practically every campaign that I recall being in where a TPK has happened started with the Pally attacking without consent of the group.

Let's switch over to Real Life for a bit. I've always considered, somewhat jokingly, that if Real Life were a D&D game, I'd be Lawful Evil. Following the same model, somewhere along the line, rather insidiously, I've drifted over to being Lawful Good, probably as a side effect of certain personal revelations caused by going through my treatment for my Condition.

Regardless, I've been facing a pretty nasty dilemma at work since late January. I don't blog about stuff there but as it doesn't matter, I'm making an exception this time. I haven't slept well since I took on a new responsibility and have been sliding down this nasty slope of negativity. There is Right and there is Wrong. I learnt a lot about poor leadership in my many years of being a developer, always being vulnerable to idiotic decisions by my management who make decisions without considering the data. Well, I'm a manager now and I, like the Paladins, have taken a stand against that which I know to be Wrong. Somewhere along the line, I metaphorically multiclassed into Paladin without knowing about it. And I'm not sure if those "idiotic" charges are truly idiotic anymore - if you're not willing to do something about a core value, do you really stand for anything? At any rate, around 17 different metaphorical castings of Greater Restoration spells later, I'm getting really tired of being rend apart for doing the right thing.

So I resigned from that post yesterday with my boss's reluctant permission. I'm still with the company, in my original role. This, my friends, is a Career Limiting Move (tm). I was worried that I was making a big mistake but you know what? Last night was my very first uninterrupted restful sleep since late January. And I feel *fine* this morning despite a stupid cold.

Sometimes, one has to do the Right thing, regardless of the career consequences. A job is just a transitory thing...but self-respect, dignity and integrity are values that one carries for the rest of our lives. Was walking away the right thing? Isn't that quitting? Kind of - after well over 17 tries at addressing the issues, it's pretty obvious that the Powers That Be don't want to deal with it. It'd be futile to keep chipping away at that sort of insane DC. My team knows I've tried and this Monday, a group of them came by and told me they'd understand if I gave up because it's obvious even to them that nothing's going to happen. It warms my heart that even in that short time, we've grown to be friends. Doubly so since I've been pushing them quite hard lately on other matters. I guess I must be doing something right. I hope.

Oh well, it's a beautiful morning, I have the satellite radio on, a coffee by my side and a good book on my lap under my laptop. I'm warm, loved and finally at peace again. Have a good weekend, folks!