As expected, the bout of depression vanished as quickly as it came with the coming of dawn. Some sleep, a good cup of coffee and the laughter of children tend to banish despair quite effectively.
Yes, I'm still rudderless and I still don't have a clue where I'm going. However, I'm going to try not to get too wound up about it. I suspect that life is more of a "journey rather than the destination" type experience and to that end, I've begun exploring previously closed off interests. I do know that my previous trajectory is not right for this new life. I'm also mindful not to lose myself in change, something all too easy to do.
When I became aware of the Condition, I was dreadfully afraid that I didn't actually have the Condition, that it was a mid-life crisis masquerading as the Condition. Again, the irony: now that I'm rid of the Condition, I find myself running right into a mid-life crisis. For folks like me, buying a hot sports car doesn't fix it. For one thing, I haven't a clue how to drive manual transmission. I suppose I'll muddle along. Perhaps a hot new textbook on galactic evolution?
To wit, I'm planning on trying some new experiences and reprioritizing that which was into something yet to be. Not having the medical impediments to hold me back, I've a clearer view of who I am now: a strange perspective given that I'm lost. But at least I know I'm lost. Who I am is something I can't change (again) but where I go and what I do is certainly malleable.
To cite H. Simpson: "That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to Clown College!" :)
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