Micro-post: connecting

I reestablished contact with an old dear friend over the weekend. We've known each other for eighteen, almost twenty years now. I lost touch with him when he moved last Christmas and my Apple Mail went belly-up, losing all my stored addresses in one go. Fortunately, I found an old e-mail with his address over the weekend and sent off a message.

Old friends are precious. They're a link to the past that, while it doesn't seem to be a big deal in day-to-day life, becomes important when you take stock. I take stock regularly which is probably why I make sure I ping my friends at least once every 6 months if possible.

Shutting the door

I closed off a few old e-mail accounts tonight, including one that was my mainstay up until about 3 years ago, when I switched over to the one I currently have.

It was hard.

It was hard not because I expected to use that account or that online identity again, but because there were a lot of feelings and memories associated with that account. My life chronicled in e-mails.

The thing is, I'm simply not that person anymore and I never will be again. Ever. It was time to archive my e-mails and close that account down. So, if you still have that address in your e-mail application, kindly delete it as it'll bounce from now on. If you haven't a clue what I'm talking about, don't worry as it obviously doesn't affect you.

Subconscious processing

I've started dreaming about dance quite consistently now. For most people, this would worry them but in my case, it's par for the course. When I get into something, I tend not to just dream about it but also have it working in my head while I'm doing other things, like a background process for all you systems-savvy folk.

There's been a particular piece of centrework that's been giving me grief for nearly a month now. No matter how I tried it, I just couldn't figure out what the right moves are. I dreamt about it last night and performed it flawlessly. When I work up this morning, I knew exactly what to do. Now, all I need is to practice, practice, practice.

I successfully did a releve in retire last night. I was elated as I have never been able to do that and stay upright. I could only hold it for a few seconds but the point is that I can do it...as long as I can visualize it first and completely forget that I'm doing it once I'm up.

Yes, some dancers are crazier than you can imagine, especially the half-baked students. :)

My legs are starting to ache and the pain level in one of my ankles is approaching the threshold I've set to be unacceptable. It's definitely bearable - I just don't want to injure myself by pushing too hard too fast. My dance conditioning book finally arrived from Amazon too, so now I have some idea of what to do.

I can do most of the practices now, excepting some of the ones that require a barre but that's coming too, and the ones that require a lot of jumping, like the saute. Onward and upward, hopefully. The alternative is onward and downward, which tends to be rather painful.

Bleeding on the Edge

I did my first combined stretching/Pilates/ballet practice tonight. I didn't manage to successfully complete the set as I felt extraordinarily tired. In the afternoon, I had some medical issues that put me out for a while and I think I'm still feeling the aftereffects of it. The thing is, all I wanted to do was to sleep and rest but I chose to push things to see if I could take the added strain. I could, but at a cost. I don't think I'll be repeating it again - next time something like this happens, I'm calling it quits and heading for bedrest.

Yes, I'm still on my diet. No, I haven't strayed away from it yet. My sis is unimpressed and thinks I'm making a mistake. She did have a good point though, that when something like what happened in the afternoon occurs, I impact the whole family, not just myself. I'm not willing to give up my goals, nor delay them too much; there has to be a solution that satisfies both. Something to think about at least.

Well, I've just finished my glass of milk and I'm exhausted so I'm going to bed. Oh, in case you've never had it, skim milk tastes horrid.

Lost...and found (Part 3)

The doubts are creeping in now. I'm a terrible dancer. I'm uncoordinated. I've no feel for the music. I have serious balance issues. I'm too old. I'm overweight. And the list goes on and on.

Fortunately, the INTENSE PAIN in my feet is focusing me somewhat.

No, I'm not pushing too hard. Just getting serious about it.

I received the authorization from my sis to purchase a mirror and a barre today. So I swung by IKEA after work and bought a large Stave mirror. My sis had originally suggested the Hemnes but the frame was quite thick. Fortunately, IKEA stores have these paper measuring tapes so I went around measuring the actual mirror area of their selection instead. Yes, I'm that picky.

Trying to fit said mirror into my car was a bit of an adventure but I didn't name her the Hypercube for nothing. I got the mirror home and set it up temporarily in the living room.

My word, it's big! I tried out a few battement tendus in first with both legs and I still fit completely in the frame throughout. Ballet class is so hectic that I rarely have a chance to see what I'm doing in the hall mirror. Now that I can watch myself, I'm starting to understand where my errors are and correcting them. Whether I'm correcting them properly is to be determined - I guess I'll find out in the next class.

I'm still a terrible dancer but now I can see my mistakes in glorious full-colour 2D! To be honest, it's rather depressing and when I'm depressed, I tend to eat unhealthy things. Tonight, I haven't had anything unhealthy. Watching my sis eat her ice cream was...challenging. But I stood firm.

Gods, I'm hungry. No, I'm not starving myself - I've had very unhealthy eating habits lately and am correcting them. I'm hungry not because I'm hungry but because I'm used to a nighttime snack. That needs to stop and it has.

I'm trying to work out a way to purchase a barre for home practice (thanks, sis!). I'm of two minds about this as there are contradictory opinions about whether practicing at home is a good idea or if it'll promote bad habits that are hard to correct. However, my balletmistress is exhorting us to practice at home so I'm going to follow what she says.

I've come to the awareness that I'm obsessing over this. As I was mentioning to my sis, I've gotten through life by assessing matters then choosing the best course of action. It's gotten me pretty far in life doing that. This time, however, thinking about things isn't going to help. Either I can dance properly and well, or I can't. Intelligence has nothing to do with it at all. This...makes me uncomfortable as I have never done well when it comes to physical activities. My instinctive response is to assess matters then choosing the best course of action...which eventually loops around into an obsession. This too shall pass, when I either get tired of gravity having its way with me, or if I actually start dancing properly.

We shall see where this goes, I suppose.