Drifting

It's great to be given the gift of a second chance at life. I'm quite aware of that and how fortunate I have been. However, it isn't without its quirks.

I've been unwell lately, a nasty cold that seems to be dragging on and on. I've had a chance to introspect which may or may not be a good thing. The truth is, I'm slowly being drawn back to my old interests of my former life, which is definitely NOT appropriate for who I am these days. It's not just the social conformity aspects for someone of my station but it's because I know where it will all end up. No, definitely not where I want to go.

Now that I've decided that, I'm left with an emptiness that needs to be filled with new interests and I'm drawing a blank. Paradoxically, the life I devote to my loved ones is vibrant and colourful even though it's only for short periods of time. For the parts that are truly mine, they are often flavourless and grey. My Kindle has helped a little with that as I can now escape into imaginary worlds written by my favourite authors far easier. I do realize it is merely an escape and that my problems will still be there when I put my Kindle down.

I hope I find a way out soon, somewhere that will lead me to a place that I belong. It used to be that I didn't feel right with myself and that I didn't fit into this world. Now, I feel right as rain but I still don't fit into this world. Disquieting feeling, that.