Regrets

We all have regrets in our life, some of which we just can't change but that doesn't stop us from regretting it nonetheless. I think it's part of being human, to have unrealistic aspirations that are unachievable. You see, every now and then, that impossible dream does become achievable by dint of hard work. It's how we grow as a species, by reaching for the stars and refusing to be held down by the ground beneath our feet.

Of course, for every one Edison or Einstein, there are several thousand nutjobs out there. That's why tinfoil hats are still so popular.

I have been introspecting a lot lately and I realized this morning that even my regrets have changed between this life and my previous one. I used to regret many things, all self-centred and focused on wealth, power and influence. I'm not knocking the old me - if I wasn't as much of an anal-retentive detail-oriented Type-A bleeperty-bleep as I was, I doubt I'd have the trappings of comfort that my family and I enjoy today. However, there is one distinct difference between my regrets then as opposed to now. Don't get me wrong, it's still awfully self-centred :) but instead of regretting the lack of opportunities afforded by my place of birth, I regret not having the cultural latitude to study music or the arts. I now regret not being able to sing rather than not advancing in my career fast enough. I regret not being graceful enough to dance ballet well rather than not being ruthless enough to become an executive.

I'm starting to regret I went down the science stream rather than the arts stream. I know it's silly, because had I gone down the arts stream, I'd never have made it to Canada and most likely be dead by now due to untreated medical conditions. Even if everything went well, I'd not have the wonderful, loving family that I now have. That I do not regret, even though it's been a very rocky road to get where we are now.

*sigh* Of everything personal that I regret, I miss being able to sing most of all. That was part of the cost for me to be who I am today, one which I would pay all over again if I had to. Still, it hurts like the willies and well-sung vocals will make me cry every time.

Conversely, there was one thing I regretted in my previous life but never did anything about for a myriad of reasons: having a greater part and interest in the children's lives. Why I didn't do so in my previous life could fill a year's worth of therapy sessions so let's just leave it at the fact that I was a stubborn idiot. The chance to change now that is something I am eternally grateful for. Case in point: we just finished watching the new Star Trek (I skipped over the gory bits) and the cheeky squeals of delight and fun reverberating off the walls of our cozy home as I chased after the kids with a pencil sharpener whilst threatening to turn them all (or at least their ears) into Vulcans is...priceless.

I regret many things, most of them improbable. But I do not regret my life now. Perhaps there is hope after all.