Raw Soylent Green

It's been a very eventful two weeks thus far. In that time, I've had my responsibility increased in several non-family areas. On the one hand, I'm flattered and overawed by the trust that these folks have placed in me. On the other hand, I'm quite daunted by the tasks ahead of me.

Just last September, I was in a nice, solitary existence where I didn't have to deal with people much. That's been the case for as long as I can remember. Suddenly, I'm in not one but three (soon to be four) massively people-oriented positions.

I think it happened because I stopped calling people "Humans" or "Expendable Resources" or "Raw Soylent Green". Somehow, somewhere along the line, I started to care.

I've always been able to navigate my way through complex mechanical and electronic systems. Nowadays, I can see the complex systems that make up people's hopes and fears. It's not some magical revelation - I just didn't give a hoot about people in general (other than a very small and select group of friends and family) up until quite recently. Now that I do, I think the folks around me are a little gobsmacked that I'm interested in listening and helping them out. Once they've assured themselves that no, I haven't picked their pockets and that all their limbs are still intact, they're opening up to me.

It's quite an amazing feeling, really, to be in a position to hear and help other people overcome hurdles in their lives. I'm quite surprised that I can honestly say that there isn't even a tiny piece of me that still says, "Fools! Be lulled into your false sense of security and bring your neck closer! Bwahahahahahahaha!"

I blame this change on the treatment for my Condition. Or that I'm starting to believe in my own propaganda about Sweetness and Light. Ack.

Catching up

First off, thanks very much to G & S who kindly suggested options for the whole privacy issue in the previous entry - I'm taking a look at some options myself and I'll be in contact with you two in the next few days. Thank you both!

This is mostly a catch-up entry. I've been running pretty ragged lately and just haven't had time to relax. This is something I'm remedying posthaste now that I'm aware of it.

So, what's happened lately? Well, I've been pretty absorbed with my job which is taking up a very large portion of my time and consciousness. On the personal side, there's a few very significant things happening. For one, I've been voted into a expanded role with one of the local non-profits here, which means that I can now influence policy at the provincial (state) level. Sounds heady, doesn't it? Not really - it just means I'm now working during my non-office, personal hours as an unpaid paper-pusher...but even bureaucrats can do real good for the community, I hope.

Let's see...I've already touched on the whole medical thingy. Oh yes, I'm also rethinking how I'm relating to my family. I've realized that I've swung too far in the opposite end of the scale in involving my family's needs in my thinking. I need to find a healthy balance between taking care of my family *and* myself instead of placing either one above the other. I need to find some alone time for myself so I continue my delicate tap-dance on that razor edge dividing unhealthy self-sacrifice and selfishness...

...which brings me to my latest toy: a satellite radio receiver. Yes, I did finally find a use for that money I mentioned in Desiring nothing. I've been looking at those for quite some time now but never took the plunge because of the very steep costs involved. First you have to get a satellite radio, which isn't cheap. Then you need to buy the subscription, which *definitely* expensive. All for what appears to be programming that you can get for free with broadcast radio. To complicate matters, there's two competing companies in that marketspace. Yes, I know they're trying to merge but until the Feds allow it, they're still two separate companies with two separate offerings.

Traditionally, the choice between the two companies (Sirius and XM) depends on what kind of a sports fan you are, which is completely useless to me given that I don't watch sports at all. Eventually, what swayed me was access to NPR, the Beeb and dedicated Old Time Radio and opera channels. Once I started using satellite radio, I was hooked - it's not just the lack of commercials (you don't really realize how annoying those are until you use satellite radio) but the quality of programming.

I was pleasantly surprised by two aspects of satellite radio: because they display the singer/composer and title of the song playing, I'm delightfully finding out the details of songs I've heard for years but didn't have a clue about. Yes, I know that broadcast radio has something similar with the Radio Data System but most receivers don't support it. The other aspect was bittersweet: I've got deteriorating vision and my primary source of news, data and entertainment has always been visual...until now. It's *soooooo* relaxing to be able to turn on my satellite radio, close my eyes and still get my hit of news or stories.

Well, that's pretty much about it and I think I've caught up. Bored yet? :)

Evolution

I think everyone evolves as they go through life. I don't mean that folks will grow wings or appendages or whatnot - I simply mean that we don't stay who we are for long.

This entry is the third I've written in the past few weeks but it's the only one I'm posting. When started blogging, it was the right thing to do - I had been journaling in my Moleskine for quite a while prior to that and it was the right time to share my life with my friends and family. I still want to do that...but I'm not sure I'm comfortable having complete strangers looking at my life. This basically means that blogging is out if I want access control over my entries. I'm not entirely sure what medium I should shift to - if any of you have an idea, I'd love to hear it.

I'm coming up to a very important date in my long medical saga - again, one of those things that I'm not going to air details in public on. Suffice to say that it's given me cause to pause and reconsider my course of treatment. This reevaluation is routine; I regularly check to see how I'm feeling and if I'm still feeling okay with the rather intrusive treatment. So far, so good.

I have a pile of paperwork to do - the bane of management everywhere. I suppose I should stop procrastinating and get started on it. *sigh*