One of the kids mentioned that he wanted to purchase this game building software from his school book order service. I took a look at the software he wanted to buy, asked him what he wanted to do with it and then read the reviews. As with all non-coding game builders, it's awfully limited in what it could do, nowhere near what the fertile imagination of a child could come up with. It could probably handle the spaceships and helicopters that he wanted but I suspect the giant sandworms and other more unique design elements of this game he wants to build would be a little more challenging (as in "impossible to do with that piece of software").
In short, he's going to be very disappointed and frustrated with it. I would really like him not to be disappointed given that this would be his first attempt to create anything dynamic on the computer.
Now, please understand that I didn't come from a rich family. We were comfortable for most of the time and touch-and-go for others. Still, I was fortunate enough that my Dad bought me a computer when I was in my early teens and as you could imagine, I took to it like a duck to water. I still have that original ZX Spectrum 48K somewhere in my basement. In fact, I can recall very vividly the day when we bought it from a computer fair. Even now, I can smell the metallic scent of the packaging material and its orange coiled manual that would become very dogeared over the coming years.
Mmm...good nostalgic memories. *ahem* Well, fast forwarding to the present, I have a child who wants to build games and I believe he'd do rather well at it despite his fixation on sandworms, which is really my fault (it's a long story, don't worry about it). Given what I've seen of him, he would probably be quite interested in putting his logical mind to better use. I would rather that he's at the computer trying to code rather than spending an hour playing with his Game Boy.
Now...what am I going to do about this situation? I had hoped to start him off with Logo but I think he's ready for something better. BASIC would fit the bill quite well so I'm evaluating the different flavours for fit. Of course, there's always Sinclair BASIC, a flavour that is near and dear to my heart as it was the very first implementation of BASIC that I ever used extensively. I think I'll install a ZX Spectrum emulator and take him through it slowly. It's colourful and easy to use - just the thing for an inquisitive child.
*sigh* Was I ever that young? It looks like the proverbial apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. Yes, I'm extremely proud of him and hope he will learn something good and fun. However, I think I'll save that lesson on recursion and multithreading for when he's a little older. I will skip teaching him COBOL unless if he gets too bratty. *blinks and recalls the latest bratty episode just tonight* Okay, I guess I'd better order that COBOL primer today...
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Plotting a jump route
Well, I've sorted things out with the nice folks at Hadley and completed my entrance assignment online. There was an essay component and I wrote about why I'm learning Braille. Writing that essay made me sad and uncomfortable. Gary made a good point in his comment to my previous post.
Perhaps I'm being too proactive and overcautious? The thing is, I've always been proactive. Had I not planned as carefully as I did when I was managing my Condition several years ago, I probably would have had a much rougher ride of it and a different, less positive outcome. Almost two years prior to surgery, I began the slow process of changing my life in preparation for a successful treatment. It's akin to navigation - I knew where I wanted to be so I skewed my life towards my target future. It's not entirely pleasant but when the dust settled, I was exactly where I needed to be so I know being proactive works.
This...is different. For one, it's not a smooth slow curve of events - there will be a very sharp drop overnight in my basic functionality should anything major happen to my sight. Instead of navigation, this would be plotting a jump to a target future with very little between now and then. This is much harder.
In the case of the Condition, I had a clear objective: survival. Get treated for it and keep on living. It was a calculated risk, banking on the hope that a different path will lead to a better future than the one today.
Back when I was nineteen, I ended up in the hospital for more eye surgery. I was all alone and was blind for nearly two weeks. So I know how it's like to be unsighted. I really don't want to repeat that experience.
You see, at least with the Condition I would have survived for some time even if I hadn't decided to go for treatment. It wouldn't have been pleasant for all concerned but I would have kept living for a time. In this...I'm not sure if there is any point continuing on if I can't see anymore. Frankly, the whole idea scares me deep down to my soul.
Learning Braille is like choosing to get my Condition treated. I may not need it now and knock on wood, I hope to never need it. But if I need it, I'd need it in a hurry. I might as well start plotting my jump now as I have a long way to go...
Perhaps I'm being too proactive and overcautious? The thing is, I've always been proactive. Had I not planned as carefully as I did when I was managing my Condition several years ago, I probably would have had a much rougher ride of it and a different, less positive outcome. Almost two years prior to surgery, I began the slow process of changing my life in preparation for a successful treatment. It's akin to navigation - I knew where I wanted to be so I skewed my life towards my target future. It's not entirely pleasant but when the dust settled, I was exactly where I needed to be so I know being proactive works.
This...is different. For one, it's not a smooth slow curve of events - there will be a very sharp drop overnight in my basic functionality should anything major happen to my sight. Instead of navigation, this would be plotting a jump to a target future with very little between now and then. This is much harder.
In the case of the Condition, I had a clear objective: survival. Get treated for it and keep on living. It was a calculated risk, banking on the hope that a different path will lead to a better future than the one today.
Back when I was nineteen, I ended up in the hospital for more eye surgery. I was all alone and was blind for nearly two weeks. So I know how it's like to be unsighted. I really don't want to repeat that experience.
You see, at least with the Condition I would have survived for some time even if I hadn't decided to go for treatment. It wouldn't have been pleasant for all concerned but I would have kept living for a time. In this...I'm not sure if there is any point continuing on if I can't see anymore. Frankly, the whole idea scares me deep down to my soul.
Learning Braille is like choosing to get my Condition treated. I may not need it now and knock on wood, I hope to never need it. But if I need it, I'd need it in a hurry. I might as well start plotting my jump now as I have a long way to go...
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Going dotty
Not too long ago I applied and was accepted to the Hadley School of the Blind on the recommendation of the local association for the blind. I'm not blind but I have very poor eyesight from many many surgeries and am definitely at risk for my vision getting worse. So, I decided to proactively learn Braille and signed up for the basic Braille course with Hadley. My material arrived tonight in a very large envelope. I'm supposed to complete the entrance assignment before they even place me in the course except that there's one small problem.
The handbook and the assignment sheets are all in Braille. Not just Braille but with Grade 2 Braille contractions. So, I'm in a bit of a chicken-or-egg situation here - I signed up with Hadley to learn Braille but I need Braille to get into the course I'm trying to learn Braille in.
I hope it's a mix-up. I suspect I may have filled out the application form incorrectly or something so I'll be giving the folks at the school a call in the hopes that I can straighten things out.
As I was perusing the material tonight, I had very mixed feelings about it. There was definitely excitement at learning something new, of course. There's also awe that we have found a way to provide printed medium to those without sight. Then there's the dread and trepidation that I might lose mine someday.
Not sure how I feel anymore. I've been very emotionally numb for the past week and a half so I should really cache this for later.
The handbook and the assignment sheets are all in Braille. Not just Braille but with Grade 2 Braille contractions. So, I'm in a bit of a chicken-or-egg situation here - I signed up with Hadley to learn Braille but I need Braille to get into the course I'm trying to learn Braille in.
I hope it's a mix-up. I suspect I may have filled out the application form incorrectly or something so I'll be giving the folks at the school a call in the hopes that I can straighten things out.
As I was perusing the material tonight, I had very mixed feelings about it. There was definitely excitement at learning something new, of course. There's also awe that we have found a way to provide printed medium to those without sight. Then there's the dread and trepidation that I might lose mine someday.
Not sure how I feel anymore. I've been very emotionally numb for the past week and a half so I should really cache this for later.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Dr. Standoff or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Orbital Bombardment
*** WARNING: This post contains extensive gaming content with a smidgen of feminism and may not be suitable for all audiences ***
I have started playing Sins of a Solar Empire once more after a very long hiatus. When things get a little too tactical at work, I normally realign my headspace by playing games in my spare time. For many years, it used to be chess. Don't get me wrong, I still love chess. However, I'm not the person I used to be and I find chess to be a little too dry these days. Mind you, I'd play this version.
I know a lot of people who play first-person shooters for relaxation. I used to play those a little bit but never really got into the whole chainsaw-is-the-best-weapon mindset. I just didn't find them fun enough to hold my interest. However, I did get quite a kick from first-person sneakers but I suspect that's probably because it takes a lot more planning and strategy to avoid guards and whatnot as opposed to running into a room with guns blazing. Friends will remember my glee with the Thief series, giggling madly as I struggled to find dark corners to hide the guards that I've blackjacked into sleepyland. Even so, it got monotonous after a while which is why my primary love has been and always will be space-themed or fleet-based wargaming.
There was a time when I forswore all but non-violent gaming. After being bored out of my mind by Tetris and its ilk, I came to the realization that simple games aren't challenging enough for me. I don't play wargames because I like war - quite the contrary, actually. I am a wargamer because they are the most complex form of gaming out there. You don't see shooting games nor casual games coming with a thick manual, do you? I happen to like complex problems in complex environments.
*** Feminist content begins ***
I understand that I am part of a very very tiny minority of women wargamers which makes me sad in the same way that I'm disappointed that there aren't more young women choosing science as their career. Ladies, wargaming isn't hard - if you've survived the Byzantine politics of high school you can probably handle a wargame or two. On the flipside if you're one of those who believe that women just can't handle strategy, please remember that thought when my warfleet of Barbie-pink dreadnoughts are paying a visit to your homeworld to do some radical landscaping?
*** Feminist content ends ***
I have noticed a subtle change however. I used to be focused on hardware (i.e. bigger, faster, nastier ships) whereas I prefer the diplomatic solution these days. Some of you may recall my earlier attempts at diplomacy. I always pursue the diplomatic solution first now. We'll see how this one goes.
What? Oh yes - Sins of a Solar Empire is a great game. It's not too graphically taxing but gods is it ever pretty! My aversion to melee combat has carried over to the game as well because you can take over enemy and unaligned planets without ever firing a shot if you do it right. In the game, you can influence the planet's population to revolt against their present regime if you successfully influence their culture. This generally means that you end up beaming propaganda broadcasts at those planets to slant popular opinion to your side.
Did I mention I used to love my marketing job before I had to return to being a techie?
What's funny is that once you've got a toehold, it's pretty much impossible to reverse so planets will revolt and switch allegiance to you. If you've got a treaty with someone whose planets are defecting to you, it's still well within the terms of the treaty and they can't do anything to you. Well, they get really upset with you and end up attacking you eventually. Of course, then you can play the oh-gods-they-attacked-us-first righteous anger card...and brutally crush them.
Did I mention I used to love orbital bombardment of planets I don't own? As it turns out, I still do...
Anyway, I've sprung for all the micro-expansions for the game, especially the one that boosts diplomatic options. I'm trying quite hard not to bomb anyone back to the Stone Age. No, I merely want their hearts and minds and eventually, their souls. See? You can't do that with first-person shooters. Well okay, perhaps you can get their hearts and minds - literally, if the game engine allowed you to but definitely not ephemeral things like their souls.
p.s. In case you're the curious type: souls taste like grape jello. Mmm...jello!
p.p.s. You get 50 bonus geek-cred points if you know what the title of this entry is spoofing. Be the first to post the correct answer in the Comments to receive said points. :)
I have started playing Sins of a Solar Empire once more after a very long hiatus. When things get a little too tactical at work, I normally realign my headspace by playing games in my spare time. For many years, it used to be chess. Don't get me wrong, I still love chess. However, I'm not the person I used to be and I find chess to be a little too dry these days. Mind you, I'd play this version.
I know a lot of people who play first-person shooters for relaxation. I used to play those a little bit but never really got into the whole chainsaw-is-the-best-weapon mindset. I just didn't find them fun enough to hold my interest. However, I did get quite a kick from first-person sneakers but I suspect that's probably because it takes a lot more planning and strategy to avoid guards and whatnot as opposed to running into a room with guns blazing. Friends will remember my glee with the Thief series, giggling madly as I struggled to find dark corners to hide the guards that I've blackjacked into sleepyland. Even so, it got monotonous after a while which is why my primary love has been and always will be space-themed or fleet-based wargaming.
There was a time when I forswore all but non-violent gaming. After being bored out of my mind by Tetris and its ilk, I came to the realization that simple games aren't challenging enough for me. I don't play wargames because I like war - quite the contrary, actually. I am a wargamer because they are the most complex form of gaming out there. You don't see shooting games nor casual games coming with a thick manual, do you? I happen to like complex problems in complex environments.
*** Feminist content begins ***
I understand that I am part of a very very tiny minority of women wargamers which makes me sad in the same way that I'm disappointed that there aren't more young women choosing science as their career. Ladies, wargaming isn't hard - if you've survived the Byzantine politics of high school you can probably handle a wargame or two. On the flipside if you're one of those who believe that women just can't handle strategy, please remember that thought when my warfleet of Barbie-pink dreadnoughts are paying a visit to your homeworld to do some radical landscaping?
*** Feminist content ends ***
I have noticed a subtle change however. I used to be focused on hardware (i.e. bigger, faster, nastier ships) whereas I prefer the diplomatic solution these days. Some of you may recall my earlier attempts at diplomacy. I always pursue the diplomatic solution first now. We'll see how this one goes.
What? Oh yes - Sins of a Solar Empire is a great game. It's not too graphically taxing but gods is it ever pretty! My aversion to melee combat has carried over to the game as well because you can take over enemy and unaligned planets without ever firing a shot if you do it right. In the game, you can influence the planet's population to revolt against their present regime if you successfully influence their culture. This generally means that you end up beaming propaganda broadcasts at those planets to slant popular opinion to your side.
Did I mention I used to love my marketing job before I had to return to being a techie?
What's funny is that once you've got a toehold, it's pretty much impossible to reverse so planets will revolt and switch allegiance to you. If you've got a treaty with someone whose planets are defecting to you, it's still well within the terms of the treaty and they can't do anything to you. Well, they get really upset with you and end up attacking you eventually. Of course, then you can play the oh-gods-they-attacked-us-first righteous anger card...and brutally crush them.
Did I mention I used to love orbital bombardment of planets I don't own? As it turns out, I still do...
Anyway, I've sprung for all the micro-expansions for the game, especially the one that boosts diplomatic options. I'm trying quite hard not to bomb anyone back to the Stone Age. No, I merely want their hearts and minds and eventually, their souls. See? You can't do that with first-person shooters. Well okay, perhaps you can get their hearts and minds - literally, if the game engine allowed you to but definitely not ephemeral things like their souls.
p.s. In case you're the curious type: souls taste like grape jello. Mmm...jello!
p.p.s. You get 50 bonus geek-cred points if you know what the title of this entry is spoofing. Be the first to post the correct answer in the Comments to receive said points. :)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Wings of light
I've been through a lot lately, most of which I'd rather not have gone through. However, the good thing about being an emotional basketcase is that you really get to feel your emotions. No, it's not just about the recent breakup although that certainly acted as a catalyst. You see, I've been in a bit of a mid-life crisis lately. With so many things changing, I felt that I've lost my way. I think you've all sensed it here in my blog entries lately.
Tonight, while driving to have dinner with my family, I just started crying at the wheel as this massive wave of emotions hit me all at once: sadness, disappointment, fear and frustration just all came to a head. I'm overwhelmed and I have lost my way. Up until I had my first surgery over a year and a half ago, I had been driving towards the goal being cured. Then, I had my surgery...and stuff came up as some of you know. Since then, it's been a slow painful climb up from that pit of disappointment and anger. I had my cathartic release in Victoria last year, which allowed me to purge the worst of it out of my soul by pinning it on paper - I wrote nearly 20 pages in my journal during that last night before I left Victoria. I think my anger burnt itself out there, in the peaceful greenery of that flower garden. I could feel other things aside from anger once more...and I think my real healing began that night, that which should have happened post-surgery.
Lately I've been facing this question: now what? What do I do now? No one mentions what happens afterwards. Everyone goes on with their lives. That's what I'm trying to do but I'm very goal-driven. Without a clear idea of where I wanted to be, I was lost.
Tonight, I think I've glimpsed a direction that I'd like to go in.
The ballet? That's a goal for me. I have never been beautiful, graceful, feminine before. Now I have a chance of feeling so and I don't intend to let it pass by.
The closeness my family and I have these days? That's still a work in progress. I need to be a better sister. I need to be a better aunt/parent to the kids. I don't really understand martial arts but I will be there when my sis receives her new belt when she passes her test. I don't think I'm going to be able to remember all the critters and characters of this particular fantasy world but darned it, I'm going to try because that's all that the kids talk about these days. And yes, I'm going to keep teaching the kids how to play strategy games and play well. Given that one of the kids now come to me unasked (which neither of them have ever done before), unceremoniously plopped himself on my lap and began nattering on about some story I have no context to, I think I'm well on my way to this goal. :)
The volunteer work as a teacher? That's a goal for my community. I never thought about giving back in my previous life but now, I get that it's important to give back. It's the children of our country and they're the future. I travelled halfway around the world and worked for nearly a decade to be Canadian. No, I'm not going to just sit back and let the religious right teach lies to our children. I'm not going to leave our teachers unsupported. Most of all, I'm not going to pass up the chance to inspire our kids to reach for the stars. The next war isn't going to be fought with guns nor rocks. It will be fought in our classrooms, in our lecture halls and in the think-tanks. The prizes are the truth and innovation. I will not stand idly by and watch the truth be covered over by religious dogma. I will not simply allow our national edge in science and technological innovation be eroded and overtaken by others.
I need to start seeing the world through more than just logic and reason. I need to begin listening with my heart. I need to wrap my words with love. I need to comfort with compassion. I need to uplift with a joy for the beauty that surrounds us and is in us all.
On my drive home tonight, there was a lot of moisture in the air and the street lamps were casting these wings of light over the roads and pushing back the darkness. It may not seem like much to most of you, but for someone with poor eyesight, they're like guardian angels showing the way home. They're beautiful.
Tonight, while driving to have dinner with my family, I just started crying at the wheel as this massive wave of emotions hit me all at once: sadness, disappointment, fear and frustration just all came to a head. I'm overwhelmed and I have lost my way. Up until I had my first surgery over a year and a half ago, I had been driving towards the goal being cured. Then, I had my surgery...and stuff came up as some of you know. Since then, it's been a slow painful climb up from that pit of disappointment and anger. I had my cathartic release in Victoria last year, which allowed me to purge the worst of it out of my soul by pinning it on paper - I wrote nearly 20 pages in my journal during that last night before I left Victoria. I think my anger burnt itself out there, in the peaceful greenery of that flower garden. I could feel other things aside from anger once more...and I think my real healing began that night, that which should have happened post-surgery.
Lately I've been facing this question: now what? What do I do now? No one mentions what happens afterwards. Everyone goes on with their lives. That's what I'm trying to do but I'm very goal-driven. Without a clear idea of where I wanted to be, I was lost.
Tonight, I think I've glimpsed a direction that I'd like to go in.
The ballet? That's a goal for me. I have never been beautiful, graceful, feminine before. Now I have a chance of feeling so and I don't intend to let it pass by.
The closeness my family and I have these days? That's still a work in progress. I need to be a better sister. I need to be a better aunt/parent to the kids. I don't really understand martial arts but I will be there when my sis receives her new belt when she passes her test. I don't think I'm going to be able to remember all the critters and characters of this particular fantasy world but darned it, I'm going to try because that's all that the kids talk about these days. And yes, I'm going to keep teaching the kids how to play strategy games and play well. Given that one of the kids now come to me unasked (which neither of them have ever done before), unceremoniously plopped himself on my lap and began nattering on about some story I have no context to, I think I'm well on my way to this goal. :)
The volunteer work as a teacher? That's a goal for my community. I never thought about giving back in my previous life but now, I get that it's important to give back. It's the children of our country and they're the future. I travelled halfway around the world and worked for nearly a decade to be Canadian. No, I'm not going to just sit back and let the religious right teach lies to our children. I'm not going to leave our teachers unsupported. Most of all, I'm not going to pass up the chance to inspire our kids to reach for the stars. The next war isn't going to be fought with guns nor rocks. It will be fought in our classrooms, in our lecture halls and in the think-tanks. The prizes are the truth and innovation. I will not stand idly by and watch the truth be covered over by religious dogma. I will not simply allow our national edge in science and technological innovation be eroded and overtaken by others.
I need to start seeing the world through more than just logic and reason. I need to begin listening with my heart. I need to wrap my words with love. I need to comfort with compassion. I need to uplift with a joy for the beauty that surrounds us and is in us all.
On my drive home tonight, there was a lot of moisture in the air and the street lamps were casting these wings of light over the roads and pushing back the darkness. It may not seem like much to most of you, but for someone with poor eyesight, they're like guardian angels showing the way home. They're beautiful.
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