Well, I've sorted things out with the nice folks at Hadley and completed my entrance assignment online. There was an essay component and I wrote about why I'm learning Braille. Writing that essay made me sad and uncomfortable. Gary made a good point in his comment to my previous post.
Perhaps I'm being too proactive and overcautious? The thing is, I've always been proactive. Had I not planned as carefully as I did when I was managing my Condition several years ago, I probably would have had a much rougher ride of it and a different, less positive outcome. Almost two years prior to surgery, I began the slow process of changing my life in preparation for a successful treatment. It's akin to navigation - I knew where I wanted to be so I skewed my life towards my target future. It's not entirely pleasant but when the dust settled, I was exactly where I needed to be so I know being proactive works.
This...is different. For one, it's not a smooth slow curve of events - there will be a very sharp drop overnight in my basic functionality should anything major happen to my sight. Instead of navigation, this would be plotting a jump to a target future with very little between now and then. This is much harder.
In the case of the Condition, I had a clear objective: survival. Get treated for it and keep on living. It was a calculated risk, banking on the hope that a different path will lead to a better future than the one today.
Back when I was nineteen, I ended up in the hospital for more eye surgery. I was all alone and was blind for nearly two weeks. So I know how it's like to be unsighted. I really don't want to repeat that experience.
You see, at least with the Condition I would have survived for some time even if I hadn't decided to go for treatment. It wouldn't have been pleasant for all concerned but I would have kept living for a time. In this...I'm not sure if there is any point continuing on if I can't see anymore. Frankly, the whole idea scares me deep down to my soul.
Learning Braille is like choosing to get my Condition treated. I may not need it now and knock on wood, I hope to never need it. But if I need it, I'd need it in a hurry. I might as well start plotting my jump now as I have a long way to go...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
What you are doing sounds very sensible to me and what you are feeling sounds very reasonable. We all hope that the worst won't happen but taking proactive steps gives us a sense of control which is very valuable.
Sorry to hear that life is still throwing mud in your face :-(
Post a Comment