I'm undergoing surgery today. I'm already in that zone where I can't eat or drink anything at all until the surgery is over. Unlike the previous ones (and there have been far too many), this one is an elective, meaning that I'm choosing to go for it instead of it being medically prescribed. Come to think of it, this is my first true elective surgery. Assuaging my conscience that I'm not truly a narcissist is the fact that in some areas of the world, it is a medically prescribed surgery (just not where I live) for folks like me.
I'm always nervous before I go in for surgery. I think everyone does. This time, it's weighing a little heavier on me because it's not strictly a necessity. Do I harbour doubts whether it's the right thing to do? Yes, but only a little bit - this is something I've been intending to do for years and it wasn't until recently that I realized that the dissatisfaction in not dealing with it was colouring other areas of my life and affecting my relationship with a few others.
It's expensive as all surgeries are. I'm really looking forward to getting things corrected though. Thinking positive thoughts for me today, please?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Dieting
I'm back on a diet again, this time in an effort to rein in my weight as well as prepare for my start in aerial silks. Over the last few months, I've been under intense stress at work and haven't been eating well which resulted in me gaining a few more pounds that I cared for.
It's nothing radical, a combination of calorie counting, portion management and exercise. In short, a general awareness of what I'm feeding myself with. It's served me well in the past as I'm not planning on dropping a lot of weight quickly but rather a gentle drop while my body adjusts. My goals this time are far more ambitious though so I'll be consulting my family doctor this time around.
I've been cutting down on the amount of meat I'm consuming and upping my portions of vegetables, fruits and grains. I'm *starving* but it doesn't feel too bad - this is expected as I'm exerting control over how much I eat. Surprisingly, I feel happier despite being hungry most of the time. I'm assuming this is a good thing.
I don't expect to be thin but being able to fit back into my dresses from 2 years back would be a nice goal, eh?
It's nothing radical, a combination of calorie counting, portion management and exercise. In short, a general awareness of what I'm feeding myself with. It's served me well in the past as I'm not planning on dropping a lot of weight quickly but rather a gentle drop while my body adjusts. My goals this time are far more ambitious though so I'll be consulting my family doctor this time around.
I've been cutting down on the amount of meat I'm consuming and upping my portions of vegetables, fruits and grains. I'm *starving* but it doesn't feel too bad - this is expected as I'm exerting control over how much I eat. Surprisingly, I feel happier despite being hungry most of the time. I'm assuming this is a good thing.
I don't expect to be thin but being able to fit back into my dresses from 2 years back would be a nice goal, eh?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Courage (part 2)
Some of you have been asking what decision I've made and as this isn't going to stay private very long if all of you are asking, I figure I might as well bite the bullet and discuss it here.
I'm planning on doing some aerial training, specifically with tissu and rope. It'll require a high level of fitness so it's a goal within a goal for me. If you're not familiar with this form of performance art, here's an example. Of course, I'm not going to be able to do this anytime soon but it's my hope that I'll be able to do it eventually. Yes, I'm going to get proper training for it. No, I don't know if I'm fit enough to do it at all, so we'll have to see. This is a natural extension for me from ballet and I get to explore all three dimensions with it so it generates all sorts of *squee* feelings in me.
If I'm able to do this and do it well, I can finally say that running away with the circus will be a viable career choice. ;)
I'm planning on doing some aerial training, specifically with tissu and rope. It'll require a high level of fitness so it's a goal within a goal for me. If you're not familiar with this form of performance art, here's an example. Of course, I'm not going to be able to do this anytime soon but it's my hope that I'll be able to do it eventually. Yes, I'm going to get proper training for it. No, I don't know if I'm fit enough to do it at all, so we'll have to see. This is a natural extension for me from ballet and I get to explore all three dimensions with it so it generates all sorts of *squee* feelings in me.
If I'm able to do this and do it well, I can finally say that running away with the circus will be a viable career choice. ;)
Courage
I've been doing a lot of introspection lately, mainly because I know I'm just drifting through life at the moment. I need objectives in order to be happy, even if it's something as simple as meeting a friend for coffee or sitting down and watching a show with my sister. It's funny, ever since we got a PVR, I've actually gotten less happy because I no longer had set times to watch a show as everything is now recorded for me. I've since realigned to the on-demand viewing model but it was rough until I figured it out.
The hardest part isn't asking oneself, "What do I want to do now?" In fact, that's the easiest part. No, the hardest part is the question, "Can I afford to do what I want to do?"
Cost in this case does not necessarily mean financial cost although everything costs money nowadays. Cost can mean many things. A few years ago, I took a less traveled fork on the road of life and ended up here. Along the way, I've lost a lot in making that decision but I've gained so much more in return. I'm far far happier for it, no regrets! Now, I'm on yet another fork on the road but this one's not anywhere near as dire.
Sometimes, it takes a major nudge to switch one's life onto another track, one that will hopefully bring more happiness. I recently made a very private decision that will bring a significant amount of physical risk but if I'm successful will let me live my life to its fullest. It took me over a year to mull it over but now that I've decided, it's brought delicious anticipation into my life once more, an enthusiasm that's been missing for years. The tricky part is that it's going to be expensive both in time, money and other resources. It'll only last me for a few years before I can't physically take it anymore but the memories will be sufficient to last a lifetime.
I'm refusing to take the safer road this time. I've done so repeatedly in the past and while I'm achieving my goals of having some semblance of financial flexibility, I've always wondered what would have happened had I taken the riskier path. Not this time. I want memories to brighten my last moments, occasional bursts of joy when my life was illuminated by being who I truly am.
The hardest part isn't asking oneself, "What do I want to do now?" In fact, that's the easiest part. No, the hardest part is the question, "Can I afford to do what I want to do?"
Cost in this case does not necessarily mean financial cost although everything costs money nowadays. Cost can mean many things. A few years ago, I took a less traveled fork on the road of life and ended up here. Along the way, I've lost a lot in making that decision but I've gained so much more in return. I'm far far happier for it, no regrets! Now, I'm on yet another fork on the road but this one's not anywhere near as dire.
Sometimes, it takes a major nudge to switch one's life onto another track, one that will hopefully bring more happiness. I recently made a very private decision that will bring a significant amount of physical risk but if I'm successful will let me live my life to its fullest. It took me over a year to mull it over but now that I've decided, it's brought delicious anticipation into my life once more, an enthusiasm that's been missing for years. The tricky part is that it's going to be expensive both in time, money and other resources. It'll only last me for a few years before I can't physically take it anymore but the memories will be sufficient to last a lifetime.
I'm refusing to take the safer road this time. I've done so repeatedly in the past and while I'm achieving my goals of having some semblance of financial flexibility, I've always wondered what would have happened had I taken the riskier path. Not this time. I want memories to brighten my last moments, occasional bursts of joy when my life was illuminated by being who I truly am.
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