I've been doing a lot of introspection lately, mainly because I know I'm just drifting through life at the moment. I need objectives in order to be happy, even if it's something as simple as meeting a friend for coffee or sitting down and watching a show with my sister. It's funny, ever since we got a PVR, I've actually gotten less happy because I no longer had set times to watch a show as everything is now recorded for me. I've since realigned to the on-demand viewing model but it was rough until I figured it out.
The hardest part isn't asking oneself, "What do I want to do now?" In fact, that's the easiest part. No, the hardest part is the question, "Can I afford to do what I want to do?"
Cost in this case does not necessarily mean financial cost although everything costs money nowadays. Cost can mean many things. A few years ago, I took a less traveled fork on the road of life and ended up here. Along the way, I've lost a lot in making that decision but I've gained so much more in return. I'm far far happier for it, no regrets! Now, I'm on yet another fork on the road but this one's not anywhere near as dire.
Sometimes, it takes a major nudge to switch one's life onto another track, one that will hopefully bring more happiness. I recently made a very private decision that will bring a significant amount of physical risk but if I'm successful will let me live my life to its fullest. It took me over a year to mull it over but now that I've decided, it's brought delicious anticipation into my life once more, an enthusiasm that's been missing for years. The tricky part is that it's going to be expensive both in time, money and other resources. It'll only last me for a few years before I can't physically take it anymore but the memories will be sufficient to last a lifetime.
I'm refusing to take the safer road this time. I've done so repeatedly in the past and while I'm achieving my goals of having some semblance of financial flexibility, I've always wondered what would have happened had I taken the riskier path. Not this time. I want memories to brighten my last moments, occasional bursts of joy when my life was illuminated by being who I truly am.
2 comments:
One always wonders how things might have worked out differently. In the long run, I think, the trick is to be content with who you are and to let go of the rest. Easy to say, hard to do.
I don't know what you're planning for yourself this time but I know you're a lot more gutsy than I. Good luck!
There's always that one "what if..." question that'll bug us until the day we die. I agree, the trick isn't always having what we want but rather wanting what we have.
As to what I'm planning, please see my next post. :)
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