Authenticity

I have never seen myself as a rebel ever before in my life and I still don't. For as long as I remember, I've worked within whichever system I found myself in, embracing it and changing it from the inside toward what I believed to be a better future.

So it was with quite a bit of surprise when I discovered rather abruptly a few weeks ago that I wasn't as mainstream and lily-white as I thought I was. I still don't consider myself a rebel, as I am not demonstrably bucking the system - I am merely going down the roads less travelled.  In this regard, I am not changing the system for a greater good. I am pursuing personal goals outside of the system, into what is still considered uncharted territory by the majority.

This had been going on for a long time, which was why I never noticed it. This shift accumulated bit by bit over the years until it piled up and could not be ignored. My Condition accounted for a lot of it, but definitely wasn't all of it, not by a long shot. So, with my Condition resolved some time back, this other stuff started coming to the forefront.

Some of it dealt with a past I had buried deep inside me for good reason. I'm still excavating those dark areas and bringing them to light. It is...quite unpleasant.

Some of it dealt with matters I never felt free nor right enough to explore. In these areas, I have found joy, wonderment and best of all, peace.

I can't say that I'm happy with my life right now but for the first time, I am truly and I mean truly living the life that really is mine.