Cresting the wave

In a previous life, I would take out my Dobsonian every clear night to indulge in some stargazing. Oftentimes I would set her up in the verandah of our hacienda-style apartment in California and just watch the stars rise in the eastern sky, like the little bumps on a music box drum, each adding its song to the music of the heavens. Other times, I would take my 'scope out to the middle of the apartment courtyard where I had a 360 degree view of the sky.

I saw my very first deep sky object in that courtyard. I'd been hunting for it diligently for some time that night and kept missing it because I didn't recognize it amidst all the shining stars. I still remember the joy and wonderment of that moment even after so many years.

Then the sprinklers would come on. 2:03am every morning, +/- 2 minutes. It was a surprise the first time around but after that I would move my 'scope back to the verandah in good time before the deluge.

It's odd, remembering these moments of a past life. There was a time when I could only remember the bad parts because as we all know, successes are fleeting but failures are forever. I have many regrets about my past life and a lot of guilt associated with it, sometimes to unhealthy and debilitating levels. But since my Victoria trip, I've had more good memories than bad ones. I'm also regaining my ability to perceive probable futures and take action to nudge matters towards an acceptable end. It doesn't always work but I refuse to be a passive rider of the timestream that is our reality.

I'm also starting to have a passion for something: ballet. Yes, I've had other passions too, like science education and gourmet cooking. This is unusual in that this is first real passion of my new life that is strictly introverted - no one benefits from it other than me. This means that I'm either getting more selfish, or starting to take an interest in my own happiness. I hope it's the latter.

Perhaps my sis is right, that I'm finally healing. I hope so because being a basketcase is not fun at all.

Not many people are given a second chance. I'm blessed to have that and doubly blessed to have my sis and the kids still with me. I'm hoping not to mess this life up too.