Through the veil, clearly

I had always been an inquisitive child, pondering Gedanken experiments as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep amidst the sound of the television in the next room. Perpetual motion machines, the variability of the speed of light, the heat-death of the universe, quantifying infinity - these were all things I had mulled over as a child, not that I truly understood many of the concepts and science involved.

I was an odd child.

One of the things I thought about was whether or not what we sense is really what other people sense. In other words, is what I call red really the same red that you see? Oh, I understand that 650 nanometres is 650 nanometres - I'm not disputing the wavelength of red light. What I'm referring to is not the physical aspect but rather the neurological interpretation of the natural world. What if what Marmite tastes like to me in my head is what you would interpret in your head as the taste of cream cheese? Would that make you understand better why I would like that particular sandwich spread? But we'll never know because each and everyone of us are prisoners trapped within our own minds - unless if we're telepathic, we won't really know what's happening in the other person's skull.

Switching topics briefly, I've been an avid reader all my life but up until recently, my reading material comprised astrophysics textbooks, technical journals, the D&D sourcebooks and the occasional novel or two. Recently, I've started reading romance novels again. The last time I read one was back in secondary school, whenever the occasional Mills and Boon showed up on the contraband items pile in the prefects' room. It was a welcome break from the tedium of schoolwork but I've never really felt anything. Actually, I've never felt anything from any book; I'd want to see how things developed but never truly identified with any of the characters in there.

Until now.

I'm not entirely sure what's causing this radical shift in perception but for the very first time, I can identify with some of the characters in certain novels. I suspect my current treatment plan and the medications that are causing neural remapping are the cause. I'm not complaining though.

Around the middle of last year, I was at a Barnes and Noble in the US with a friend as were attending a conference together. Now, you have to understand that B&N stocks a far more extensive range of books than the local chain bookstore, so I called my sis and asked her if she wished me to pick anything up for her. She rattled off a list of authors and I dutifully hunted for them. The only one I could find was a book by Jacqueline Carey. I picked it up only to find out that it's the 2nd book of the 2nd trilogy after I had returned home.

You have to understand that when I'm looking for something for someone, I'm quite tenacious in hunting it down. I eventually found the first book of the first trilogy and gave that to my sis.

She didn't read it. So I did.

I read for about a couple of chapters before I put it down. It was boring. Fast forward a few more months and I'm in the midst of bedrest following surgery. I was bored silly one day so I picked up the novel and started reading it from the start again.

This time, I was enraptured by it. I'm not sure what was different betweem the first and the second reading but I could relate to the heroine, so much so that for the first time in my life, I felt her emotions as the plot unfolded. It's the very first book that made me cry. It still does. Mind you, my body was undergoing some pretty massive changes as I was recovering from major surgery that permanently changed my endocrine system, so my guess that the neural remapping was to blame isn't entirely without merit.

Fast forward about a year later and I'm mentioning the latest book from the same author to a friend of mine, who snickered and said that I was the last person she'd imagine would like books "like that". I blinked. Yes, the novel was saucy...if you read it for that purpose. I started off with zero expectations and found the first series to be a delightfully touching love story with a surprisingly strong and resilient female lead who never lost her femininity even as history unfolded around her. Unfortunately, most people can't get past the sauciness and see the story that the author is attempting to convey. Ironically, in this series the more adult scenes were an integral part of the storyline as opposed to a titillation hook (the protagonist is a hetaera and her companion is a warrior priest sworn to celibacy). Disappointingly, I also appear to be the minority as practically everyone I've spoken to seems to be hung up of the notoriety of that series.

Coming full circle, no, I can't be sure that what I see as red is the same red as you see, or that what I taste is what you taste. However, in the case of the Kushiel's Legacy series, I can say with reasonable confidence that I'm feeling that which the author is trying to convey in her story.

We're still locked inside our own heads when it comes to our senses. However, we can still share emotions through something as simple as printed words.

And that makes the existence within our own little skulls a little less lonely, don't you think?

p.s. If you do read that series, for Pete's sake, try to read the story as a whole instead of getting stuck in the more steamier scenes. Trust me, the storyline is worth it.