The Clouds Part...Slightly

I assumed my new role in the office this past Monday. Things went smoother than expected, with only one person in the office being distinctly uncomfortable. It's quite funny - he can't meet my eye straight on. He can only look at me with furtive glances when he thinks I'm not looking. I'd be feeling some amount of pity for him were it not for the fact that I know exactly what kind of person he is.

On the home front, my soon-to-be Ex and I are returning to a somewhat normal life. Things are still strained but definitely not as bad as before. We're still tiptoing around each other and some parts of our lives are still smoking, glowing craters from the emotional equivalent of a nuclear exchange that happened over the past month. It will be a long time healing for either of us. But the clouds are parting, so to say. We are civil in most things now, which makes life a lot easier to bear. Not quite sure where it will go but there is a cease-fire in effect for now.

Yes, I know I'm using very war-like terminology here. If it comes down to it (and I hope it doesn't given we both prefer alternatives), the sad reality is that divorce *is* war.

After the turmoil at home, my sis is starting to emerge from whichever desk she's been hiding under, doing the duck-and-cover during the recent war at home. It's good to see her again; I've missed her terribly. We're not as close as before but it is my hope that things will get better.

As for that, things *are* getting better. It's different when you have turmoil at work - you can always leave it behind in the office. At worst, you lose a job. When you have serious fights at home, and you can't get any more serious than a potential separation or divorce, there is nowhere to go. I've managed to cope so far by mentally separating the people I love from whichever role they have assumed that causes me pain. I believe that everyone is intrinsically good, that circumstances cause them to go down paths that they don't necessarily want to go. I hate easily - that is a major flaw in my character. However, I've learnt that I could hate the person -OR- I could hate the role and/or the circumstances leading up to the hurt. Yes, I know this is all smoke and mirrors and ultimately amounts to nothing more than a cheap redirection. I don't care - this "cheap redirection" allows me to survive the disintegration of a marriage while keeping some semblance of love for those involved.

I don't intend to lose if this turns ugly. But it doesn't mean I have to succumb to hate in order to do so.