Distance learning

My dear mother lives in another country. She's getting rather along in her years and I delayed telling her about my Condition for as long as I could. She's a worrier and I figured she didn't need something else to obsessively worry about. Our family's like that - we spread good news fast but tend to hold back the bad news. So there was precedence and I made peace with my conscience.

I ran out of time around Christmas of last year when she surprised me during one of our semi-regular phone calls with the announcement that she was going to come a-visiting with one of my cousins. I would have welcomed her into my home with open arms. My ultra-religious cousin is another matter altogether - we got along quite fine when we were younger but our circumstances have changed significantly as we became adults.

So I told her what was going on through my brother; after nearly two decades away from home, I was no longer fluent in her native tongue and given the complicated medical nature of my Condition, the last thing I wished to do was to flub up the details due to bad translation.

It went over reasonably well, I guess. My brother, who was also hearing about the details for the first time, coped surprisingly well. I was quite relieved that he didn't overreact and eternally grateful for his assistance in translating the situation to my mother. And so it sat, like the proverbial white elephant in the centre of the room for the past 8 months.

My brother has been unstinting in his love and support. My mother had a tougher time dealing with it, given the extreme nature of the treatment. It has taken months but over the last 3 calls or so, she's started to ask questions about my Condition. She's trying to learn more, which is something that my late, cold and unforgiving father wouldn't have bothered trying. It's hard, given the distance both geographically and generationally - the medical world of her generation was far simpler than the scary complex one today.

There is an unspoken gap between us still, one where she attempts to cope with the Condition that her child has. It makes my heart ache that I had to put her in this position. My sis has been a great comfort but what I yearn for is the closeness that used to exist between us. I can only hope that love, time and understanding will help my mother heal.