Thankfulness

I've been writing about a lot of trivial things lately and unfortunately, this entry is not - it's an update of what's going on, for my friends and family who read this.

A good friend of mine who is afflicted with the same Condition is in the hospital. I just found out about it today and have visited her. She seems to be recovering (thankfully!) but these things take time. I intend to go see her daily and keep her spirits up throughout her recovery.

I've come pretty far in the treatment plan for my Condition; I have a family that is supportive and things are going well. However, the treatment can come off the rails quickly and suddenly, which is when folks like us end up in the hospital. My friend isn't the first one this year to encounter trouble; there have been others, not all of whom survived.

This comes as a rude awakening for me, as things have gone well enough lately that I lead a normal life again, mostly free from pain. I've forgotten just how tough it was in the beginning, just facing up to the horrible fact that I do have this affliction and that if I don't deal with it one way or the other, it will kill me. There were a couple of times when I came close to landing in the hospital myself - these are the things one forgets during the blessed times when life is going well.

The fact is, even after I'm cured, even after they've operated, I'll still be on meds for the rest of my life. I've already had a taste of what being medicated for life may be like; after my eye operation in January, they thought I may have glaucoma and put me on drops for life. I'll do what I do to keep my eyesight. Having said that, the drops are *expensive*. Heaven help me if I'm ever without health insurance, even in Canada where doctors' visits are covered by the government but prescriptions aren't. Fortunately, they found out that I didn't have it and told me to discontinue the drops.

I'm not doing so well right now, alas. My friend's farther along in her treatment than I am; while our treatment paths aren't the same, if she can end up hospitalized this far along then I am also at risk. It may seem cold blooded to think this way but I've managed to deal with the pitfalls in my life by looking ahead and evading, not by trying to climb out of them after I've fallen in. I'm taking quite a heavy dose of meds right now, just to stabilize my Condition; one of my doctors reminded me at our first meeting that the meds carry with them the possibility of complications, up to sudden clotting and death. I, like most others in my position, figured it'll never happen to us. Or will it?

The treatment is working. I want to live. I'm happier than I've ever been before. I shall be very cross if I shuffled off this mortal coil just as I've begun to live. Trust me, you do not want an incorporeal me sliding a sheet of paper under your bedroom door with "OO EE OO EE OO" on it.*

Yes, there are many risks, any of which has the potential of landing me in the hospital, morgue or in extreme cases the loony bin as the mind unhinges from the pain. I can continue to dwell on these morbid thoughts (and being human, I will for the next day or two) but I intend to not worry about what I can't control. I'd rather be thankful that I have this second lease on life and try to be a positive force in the lives of my loved ones. I hope I can, anyway.

Update 9/25/2007: the development office that I work at was just shut down today, so I'm out of a job. On the one hand, the whole unemployment thing is frightening. On the other hand, I'm tickled pink someone's actually paying me money to go away - I've never been laid off before until today. My sis thinks I've a twisted sense of humour. Perhaps she's right. I guess I could cry and rue my unfortunate circumstance, but I think I'd prefer to stay positive and go job hunting instead. Wish me good luck!

*Pratchett's Discworld series - if you haven't read it, do give it a shot.