Flushing the cache

This is going to be a serious post and will probably be very confusing for those of you who do not know the whole story. If you get confused, my apologies.

As children we are allowed the whole range of emotions. We laugh, we cry, we love and we hate all with perfect innocence. As we grow and come to know more about the world, we start losing our innocence and our emotions start getting suppressed. This is needed for society to function - we cannot survive as a species if everyone gave in to their hatred or fear.

Crying is seen as a negative emotion. We are conditioned to not cry from an early age, that it solves nothing, that if we really wanted our parents could give us a real reason to cry (truly diabolical logic, that). I'm not sure I entirely agree that it solves nothing. I agree that it doesn't solve the root cause for the crying. But it does make one feel better. Something to do with crying triggering the release of endorphins.

For women, it's more socially acceptable to cry but not in public places. There are consequences if you cry at your workplace. But generally, we gals are cut some slack if we do cry. When we see a girlfriend in pain, we hold her close and cry with her. Does it solve anything? No, not really. What it does, however, is to let her know that she is *not* alone, that someone is willing to share her burden, to face the pain with her. It keeps us sane. The cathartic release, the shared experience...it bonds us together deeper than words can ever express.

I had to suppress a large part of my femininity for a long time to function in my environment. Succeeding in a hard scientific field where women are still rare even now carried a price, one that I didn't think long enough or hard enough on before making it. There is a perception, almost a norm in the sciences that femininity is weak and an undesirable trait. Women certainly the minority and stuck out like sore thumbs. I made compromises on who I was - a big mistake for which I am still paying for. I had to relearn how to cry recently and have since rediscovered an inner untouchable core of calmness and peace. Being able to cry is cathartic release. Gods, I'm glad I'm a gal.

For men, crying is a no-no in most circumstances. For a guy to cry at work...he might as well stick a "Kick me, I'm weak!" sign on himself. Men have backed themselves into a tight corner, IMHO. There is no cathartic release available. Men carry a lifetime of hurt with them. We often hear about male primacy and male dominance in our society, about how men run everything. We never really hear about the terrible cost they bear to keep the facade of a stiff upper lip. Good grief, it must be dreadful to have to somehow reconcile any troubles you have without help. All alone in your skull. Perhaps if you're lucky, you have someone to listen to you. Usually this is not an option though. Gals, remember this: do not take for granted the strong arms that embrace and comfort us.

To my dear male friends out there, I'm not asking you to learn to cry. I suspect the very thought is abhorrent to you. But...do consider not keeping it all in you. Find someone you trust to talk to instead of burying it deep inside. Find a release...uh, preferably a non-violent one. :) This will allow you to bend under stress instead of breaking. We often hear of the concept that if bad things happen, there's more than enough blame to spread around. But what if we looked at it slightly differently, from a positive viewpoint? What if your personal pain *is* meant to be shared but by those who love you enough to bear it with you, instead of your tormentors? Visiting pain and suffering within upon your enemies simply puts you into a vicious cycle that can't end well. Having someone who loves you enough to willingly walk with you through darkness...is something you will never forget.

I'm not doing a very good job of conveying the point but I have discovered that there is strength in vulnerability. And it has set me free.